What's your favorite disguise? [/meta]

posted by letter shredder @ 11:59 a.m. on 1/20/2006

"Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love..."
                                          -- Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

Friday, January 06, 2006

Life is Like a Box of Chocolate... Eclairs

posted by letter shredder at 3:09 PM

chocolate eclairs

HE and my favorite chocolate candy when I was 3 years old are of the same name. Yeah, funny coincidence.

My mom used to tell everyone how I cry asking my grandfather to buy me those chocolate eclairs. At 16, my mom found out about HIM through a letter Oman gave me which I left in the piles of books at home.

Then I saw HIM again a week ago. HE hasn't changed a lot, just that he's no longer as skinny as he was in high school. I was expecting it -- I was no longer moved by HIS presence.

I joined the girls when they went inside the house to watch a particular program they've been watching. He followed us. I did not pay much attention to the TV since I've read the synopsis/spoiler of that program. I just left the table where most of our high school friends were because I'd be alone surrounded by couples.

We haven't seen each other for quite a long time so HE asked me how I was. I said I was fine. Then HE asked who my boyfriend is and how many boyfriends have I had. I said, "None." HE thought I was kidding and insisted that I answer his question. I just laughed.

I threw the question back to HIM (not necessarily, "How many BOYFRIENDS have you had?"). I asked him if it were still them, HIM and the girl from Batangas. He said they're no longer together. And then HE told me HE knew that I went to their apartment in UPLB with RJ, HIS cousin who fetched me at UPDthe previous night.

I told HIM I knew HE was also there. HE was asking me why I did not send HIM any message to inform him that I was about to go there. I told HIM it was not really planned and that HE was busy with HIS girlfriend who was with HIM in the other room.

HE said HE'd still come out and see me. And I just gave HIM the Yeah, right! look.

We talked about other friends, whether or not we've seen or communicated with them. Later, I just went out because I wasn't really interested in watching TV. But I came back for the same reason why I first came in. I can talk to the people outside but I did not want to become a third wheel to any pair. The others were busy drinking and some more people were there whom I don't recognize. For sure, they were RJ's friends. It was his party.

The second time I came in, I told them it felt awkward to sit with couples. The girls laughed and agreed. Then HE butted in that HE'd join me outside and we'd go there as a "couple."

But I did not take it seriously. RJ appeared in the room and I dragged him outside. I asked him about the biggest surprise that night -- his girlfriend appeared pregnant.

After a few songs with the videoke, HE requested that I sing My Immortal by Evanescene. I did. I also liked that song.

Much later, Runaway by The Corrs played. At one point I felt trapped. It was what I sang for HIM in a band when I was in high school. The whole group had stories about that song. Some knew mine and I am happy the alcohol excused me from being grilled right there and then.

Later, I got to sit with HIM again. Then HE asked me again who my boyfriend is. Then I told HIM, AGAIN, I have no boyfriend.

Then I told HIM, "YOUR girlfriend is one of my college friend's best friend." I also said that right now, I share an apartment with the same college friend I was talking about." Then HE admitted that it is still THEM.

Later, my other friends joined the conversation and they talked about the girlfriends HE had whom they've already met. I've not seen them. I'm not sure what other things we've talked about but I ended up telling HIM, "I AM THANKFUL THAT IT DID NOT BECOME US." It was said like a joke and I got away with it.

But I meant it. Really meant it.

We're still close friends, and I am very comfortable at that.

At home, I told my mom I saw HIM and she asked me if I still like BENSON. I said, "No."


5 revealed their disguise

5 Masks: Anonymous Anonymous whispered...

Interesting post. I have gone through something very similar in my life recently. I found it is a feeling of relief to finally get over your feelings from a "crush".

-Previously Coy

3:19 AM   Blogger Chas Ravndal whispered...

you will find someone that is right for you

4:18 AM   Blogger manzkee whispered...

No tricks, I have chocolate in post today. It's a biiiiig Toblerone.

11:05 AM   Blogger Jaimie whispered...

I used to eat chocolate eclairs too when I was a kid. Most kids didn't even know what they were.

I've had crushes too-many.

11:51 AM   Blogger letter shredder whispered...

coy: it's nice to know you are back to the blogging world.

chas: no doubt i wud.

mandz: wud i have one from you?

jaimie: try listing all of their names. my friends and I used to compare notes as to how many we have in the list. it was fun!

5:52 PM  

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