What's your favorite disguise? [/meta]
posted by letter shredder @ 11:59 a.m. on 1/20/2006
"Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love..."
-- Lester Bangs, Almost Famous
Friday, May 21, 2004
i'm done with my internship, seen all my grades, passed all the requirements, but i still feel so troubled...
i always wanted to sleep early, but when i'm already lyin on my bed, i find myself looking for things to do. i always hated days when i cannot do anythin or when i can't find anyone to talk to...
i'm tired of painting... i'm tired of reading... i might not want to sing either... i don't want to go anywhere...
i want to watch a movie, but i don't want to do it alone. i don't even feel hungry. right now, i wanna weep...
i have to quit posting, at least for now, coz i just feel so low...
i've lost many things just this month...including my cellphone.
the problem is, when i lose things, i tend to buy new ones exactly the same with the previous ones.
i just haven't realized if that also applies to people i think i lost...
yesterday, i found out Alina already belongs to a band. bigla akong na-depress. i'm happy for alina, i just envy her. she's the vocalist.
I ALWAYS WANTED A BAND! MY OWN BAND!
but i don't know why i don't have any channel to have one. well, i know people passionate with bands, but they don't tend to be as passionate as i am. at buo na 'yung banda nila. ayoko namang mang-agaw ng pwesto.
people say i could sing. i mean, sing well... i also know i do sing well... but it's frustrating that i can't express that talent...
there's rj and my high school friends. but i don't think they know how i appreciate them and their music. ayoko na nung paminsan-minsan lang tumutugtog. it's not that i want to have one for a living. i want to have regular rehearsals just for the fun of listening to and playin our own choice of music,if not our own, and gettin together.
a band is usually a small group. and i've always wanted small, intimate groups...
Thursday, May 13, 2004
straight from Muntinpula...
this is the 7th day i went to muntinlupa to cover the elections...
7th day i was assigned/deployed a.k.a. detained at the city hall
inuugat na 'yung paa ko sa paghihintay ng results from the Comelec. and they said it may take another week...*sniff*
i talk to people from time to time, ocassionally hearing grievances from supporters of losing candidates, and they even blame the media for publishing articles that threaten their candidate's victory.
binabantayan nila kada galaw dito.
people expect to see their names on the newspaper, most of them wanted to be interviewed, especially the ones who appealed to the Comelec because their names are not included in the master list of voters.
no matter how people badly perceive the media (press per se) and intensionally refuse to be exposed to it, they still believe on how the media can help them monitor or "regulate" the government. the government that is supposed to be answering the people's needs. the people whom i've encountered with believe that media can still do something to fight for their rights.
pero nakakatakot din. may tension kasi dito. we all know that every media practitioner should be fair and objective. so as much as you want to involve yourself to issues and the needs of the people, you SHOULD NOT. stay distant. which is actually not in my self-concept.
nakakatakot din, dahil kaya kang kuyugin ng mga tao dito. mababait naman sila, pero pag nagkamali ka and you fail their expectations through the reports you write (and eventually be published), magagalit din sila sa 'yo.
kanina may incident na natakot ako dahil may kandidato na kumuha ng number ko dahil tatawagin daw nila ako pag nagka-balita, sabi ko, "nagsusulat lang po ako. estudyante lang din po ako, kaya po lahat ng isinusulat ko, subject to editing pa." paglabas ko ng kwarto, sabi ng tauhan ng kandidato, something like "...kami bahala sa 'yo, 'yaan mo, nang maprotektahan ka namin."
i don't really know what HE meant or im probably trying to scare myself, pero natakot talaga ako...
i just hope everything turns out fine...
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Lilacs in September
Shocked to the root
like the lilac bush
in the vacant lot
by the hurricane --
whose black branch split
by wind or rain
has broken out
into these scant ash-
as if to say
What will unleash
itself in you
when your storm comes?
--Katha Pollitt your storm comes?
Monday, May 10, 2004
Ahhhhhhh!!! sobrang hilo na ako sa Muntinlupa. Gusto ng mga tao ma-interview silang lahat. lalo na 'yung mga nagrereklamo, hinahanapan pa ako ng camera at kung anu-ano. gusto yatang sumali sa starstruck.
sa akin pa nagtatanong kung ano magagawa ko para matulungan sila.
At ang aking ginintuang linya, "Eh, reporter po ako, hindi po ako from COMELEC (sabay pakita ng ID)." considering na naka-PDI t-shirt naman ako.
pero mababait naman 'yung mga tao dito. at kahapon, may meeting 'yung PNP chief, City Treas, at election officer dahil questioned ang presence ng Marines, eh nakaupo rin ako katabi sila. yung sample ballots yata nila, pangalan ko nakalagay.
buti na lang marami akong nakaimbak na charms (sino hihingi?), kaya pinapagamit ako ng telepono at pinapapasok sa mga opisina. sabi sa COMELEC, "pasok ka lang nang pasok."
sana ngayon lang ito... at kanina, i wanted to interview the election officer at nang may mga mega tanong na ako, dumating ang 'sangkatutak na mga tao, may dalang flying voters. may pulis na may riffle, at mga galit na election assistants.
feeling ko pag nagsasagutan sila, may susuntok na...
'sangkatutak na social life...