What's your favorite disguise? [/meta]
posted by letter shredder @ 11:59 a.m. on 1/20/2006
"Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love..."
-- Lester Bangs, Almost Famous
Friday, July 30, 2004
'Yun na nga 'yung tenth cut...
Medyo na-surprise ako nang mabasa ko ang message ni Boo kanina. Ang hirap ko raw hagilapin lately... Partly true. Dahil may time talaga na nagtatago ako at gusto ko lang maghybernate sa bahay o kaya sa apartment. Lalo na 'pag may mga ayaw muna akong makausap, kasi hindi ko kayang magkunwaring okay lang ang lahat/ di ako galit/ marami akong sasabihin/ oo may pakialam ako.
Mataray na kung mataray, pero minsan hindi ko talaga kayang itago na nagtatampo ako. Sa case naman ni Boo, wala lang talaga akong oras. Minsan nakakamiss din 'yung mga usapan over the phone hanggang madaling araw. Minsan pa, gumagawa siya ng reaction paper at kailangan ko siyang gisingin sa mga kwentong di ko alam kung may saysay talaga. Nung summer, gumawa siya ng paper on the Napoleon Quinse advertisement. Mula sa simpleng kuwentuhan, nauwi kami sa discussion sa mga iba't ibang paradigms. Biglang nagflash sa akin ang mga natutunan ko nung Soc Sci 2.
Si Boo 'yung unang tinawagan ko para pumunta sa bahay dahil gusto kong umiyak. That time when I just entered the lion's den and when everything was a bombshell. Funny, but out of desperation, tumawag ako nang umiiyak.
Second time that I did to a male, and to someone outside my kin. The first was when my baby brother died. I had to call my high school research buddies--RJ and JM--to inform them that I cannot join them that day.
Tomorrow, Ice and I were suppose to watch "Spirited Away" at the Videotechque (did I spell it right?), but I had to cancel because one of my aunts requested my presence in the housewarming tomorrow (as if I had to cut the ribbons! hahaha!). She also wanted complete attendance from my cousins before she flies back to Cerritos next week.
Alloy was also asking me to support the training Smart is holding tomorrow. May derbs din sana dun.
And just last Thursday, PJ asked me to go to Maragondon for Vidal's birthday party. I also wanted to go there... But I have to prioritize.
Family first. Always.
Nakakatawa. Minsan wala akong magawa, minsan wala akong makausap. Pero 'pag may naghahanap naman sa akin, sabay-sabay.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
para sa aking Socio 132-- How-to-be-a-criminal class
Dahil wala akong diskette, dito ko muna ipo-post 'to. Pasensya na.
In an interview with Virgilio Peña, chairman of the Commission on Information and Communication Technology, he emphasized that the government should maximize the use of the Internet to encourage the private and public sectors. It may use the Internet as a database of its services that may be made immediately available to the public.
When I occasionally visit government websites for projects and reports, I have the initial impression that they are unappealing. As a matter of fact, I think government web pages are credible, not by the right path of the address (.gov.ph), but because they look “boring.”
I first checked the website of the Bureau of Jail Management and Penology (BJMP). It had a very masculine look. It had flash! For someone like me who has a little background on website designing, that was not actually easy. It had a black motif, which is actually the same with the color of the pants the officers of the agency wear. There were click-able portions, making the features more accessible. But if one tries to do so, the areas are not really available. I find some sections weird. The funny portion there was the “Downloadable.” I was wondering what one could actually download form there. Wallpapers? Desktop icons? I tried it but it had nothing on it. The part is probably for forms citizens might need. I hope so.
The second site I checked was the national Bureau of Investigation’s. I was actually surprised with the clean look and the flash at the introduction. The site was actually good, considering how it would cater to the needs of the public. It also had the online complaint portion, which would encourage people to file complaints without actually going to the police stations. It is not sure though that the complaints would easily be attended to.
The website of the Supreme Court is not very appealing but it was appropriate. The look and the feel of the page are not very stressful to the eyes. The announcements were updated, so the site is checked regularly. I have visited the Supreme Court and met the staff of the Office of the Public Information Officer and the PIO himself, Atty. Ismael Khan.
The last site I checked was NAPOLCOM’s. The colors were not very appropriate since their contrasts were of the same shades. The site looked very crowded. But I have to commend the site for having the “marquee” effect. It had moving texts that are actually eye-catching so the public would immediately know which part to go to. The news and updates had their headlines that are found at the sidebars. So, technically, the site could still be easily read and important portions are easily found.
What are really commendable about the web pages are the efforts to construct such that may attend to the needs of the general public. There were also contact numbers and persons under every division of the agencies. The web is accessed worldwide, so it is really proper for the government to pay attention to their respective sites. For someone alien to the kind of government we have in the country, the sites would provide first impressions and might reflect the agency.
Peña said that one of the problems of the Internet industry in the Philippines, aside from connectivity, is content. The sites must offer enough services that the public would make the public make use of these websites. The efforts to improve the sites can be seen but they should still be improved.
The websites have not fully used the advantage of providing multi media settings that can help the people who access them. There are a lot of services that can be offered to the public through the net.
What I learned in Journalism is the use of simple language that an average grade four student would understand. This principle should also be applied on the websites because it is undeniable that they are not for the average public. They should also provide alternative Filipino language and dialects.
Even in government services, the issue on digital divide is also evident.
Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses (plural--plulal pala kay Benton) kong sinabi 'yan dahil nalamog ang mga braso ko sa kakahampas ni Cleng.
Sobrang kinikilig kasi si loka tapos ako lang ang kasama. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kapag nagkukwento, eh may kasama pang hampas! At kagat sa braso!
Well, alam kong medyo disappointed ka sa reactions ng iba dahil kung "sino" siya... Ako naman, hindi ko ma-tolerate ang pagiging cheesy mo...
Pero alam mo naman kung bakit. Ang gara kasi.
OK naman na magkwento ka sa akin, pero 'wag mo naman akong bugbugin kapag kinikilig ka.
At 'wag masyadong cheesy, baka mapa-walk-out ako... kahit 'di ko gusto...
Bwisit na IT beat 'yan! Sa mga hindi masyadong nakakaintindi ng IT beat, hindi siya kasingdali at kasingsaya ng Coke beat...
Marami akong natutunan sa "tour" ko sa DOST:
- Sobrang laki ng compound, pwede kang mawala.
- Napapalibutan ang compound ng maraming pila ng mga jeep at tricycle; therefore, for the lack of the right euphemism, ampanghi ng grounds--pasensya na...
- Very evident ang red tape sa Philippine government agencies.
- Magsuot ng rubber shoes kung bibisita--kung mataas ang pangangailangang bumisita...
- Patience is a virtue.
- May PORTAL sa STII canteen papuntang Los Baños, Laguna.
Sobrang bad trip ko (na hindi naman talaga halata sa entry ko--sarkastek!) nung umuwi kami. Nakakainis! Accommodating naman 'yung mga tao, pero hindi talaga centralized 'yung pamamalakad, lalo na in terms of information on the subagencies.
Under DOST kasi, may 21 subagencies. And in order to get one interesting story, you have to go to each agency to find out if they really have a project that you can link to the ICT industry or to e-commerce.
Lo and behold! Cleng and I wasted more than three hours of our existence in the compound. Pag nag-inquire ka sa isang building, papupuntahin ka sa kabila hanggang bumalik ka dun sa una mong pinagtanungan.
May funny experience din dun... regarding the portal I mentioned earlier. Naghahanap kami ng canteen kasi sobrang gutom na kami. Tinanong namin 'yung isang guard kung saan meron. Sa likod daw. So kahit it was raining cats and poodles, sumugod kami sa ulan! *tantananan*
Nung nasa likod na kami, nakita ko, may saradong gate. Shit! Hindi ito 'yung canteen. Pero nasa'n na? Eh wala namang other building na malapit at nasa likod. May isang hut na may trail. Cleng, ayun 'yung canteen. Ako 'yung nauna, at nang malapit na ako sa pinto, may nakasabit na "STII canteen" sa maliit na papel. Pagpasok ko...
Puro familiar feelings... Very melancholic indeed!
Dito ba ako pumunta nung past life ko? Andito na ba si "the one?"
Inilibot ko ang aking paningin...
Alas! Para akong pumuntang Los Baños! Magubat ang paligid ng maliit na dampa.
Walang pagkain... May ref na konti lang ang laman, at may "annex" na gawaan ng burger.
Tawa kami nang tawa ni Mamoo. Wala nang makahihigit pa sa experience na iyon!
Habang kumakain kami...
Napaawit ako... PARAISO ng Smokey Mountain...
May linya kasi sa kanta na *kanta, internalize, emote* "a place made of cardboard floors and walls..."
So if you visit the STII canteen, you will be transported to Los Baños=Ternate=Indang.
Pwede nga rin palang Nayong Pilipino. 'Di ba andun, 'yung mga modelo ng sinaunang bahay? 'Yun siguro, pwedeng isunod after nung mauso ang bahay sa puno...
Monday, July 26, 2004
Things Have Really Changed...
I feel bad that it is only now that I am able to update my blog. I have not even changed my template. If I were Kate who cringes on the monthly layout, I could have killed myself. Fortunately, I am not Kate! And our difference is not just about cringing over blog layouts. We are way different in terms of "preferences," experiences, relationships and "COrelations." *wink*
I've talked to HIM. I actually felt weird, coz when he started explaining it just seemed that I don't care anymore. It's probably like that--to stop worrying, one grows apathetic. On second thought, I think I still care about HIM, but only in a lesser degree. I probably withdrew from the onion bulb (social penetration theory) or just stopped at the depth I am already in. Somehow, I felt guilty. HE said HE was about to ask me for a write-up that he plans to put in HIS yearbook, pero hindi na lang daw. If HE really asked me, I could not write anything. Or maybe I could, but all would be without depth and as how most people probably know HIM.
I realized that everyday, a piece of my "innocence" shield chips off. I've heard too much "you're-the-only-one-I-could-talk-to" secrets just for this month. It's not that I resent hearing them, I actually feel honored that people open up to me. It's just that I can also feel the pressure between "being the only one who knows" and "should I tolerate you?"
How would one actually decline "you're-the-only-one-I-could-talk-to" secrets?
The Shock Absorber hits again!
Monday, July 12, 2004
We held a surprise party for HER. She was elated. Just like me when they prepared one for me last March. It was fun, but I have to admit I was also nervous to be there. I just know that I might find out something that I am not yet ready to hear or witness. For sure, HE wasn’t coming. He was preparing his thesis. Neneng told me so.
Clefarie said she did not know anything about it. Neneng and I just told her what we knew. So it was also the most appropriate time that we ask HER.
When we started talking about it, I really felt uneasy. They seem to be explaining a lot to me, but I didn’t tell them anything about how WE are and how I felt regarding the issue. Clefarie told us that THEY were texting a lot, HE goes with HER to QC and that she lied when she said she knew nothing, or just as much as Neneng and I knew.
From time to time, I was asking them why they seem to be explaining to me when it was just supposed to be like how friends converse with each other. All eyes were on me, when I was just actually listening. When Cleng was narrating, she always says, “ Ganito kasi Jaycee…”
So I kept asking myself, “Did I do or say anything wrong?”
I also asked her, “ Why do you always have to explain to me?”
Later, when we were suppose to go home, SHE told me she wants to have a “heart to heart” talk with me. But why? And why with me? SHE later told me Tati saw Kaye the other night and Tati told Kaye how I felt about being “ignorant.” Kaye, HER cousin, told HER.
SHE said SHE felt guilty because I seem to be very ignorant of the issue and what has been really happening.
Ironically, when everyone has said their goodbyes, it was then that Clefarie started telling the whole story. Still, I felt uneasy. They just seem to be really explaining to me. “Hello! I am not the only one clueless here! Neneng and Carole are also here,” I wanted to tell HER then.
When they started making things clear, I just realized I had too much. And they are going beyond what I expect to find out. At the start, I felt uneasy. But when it was about to end, I felt scandalized. And I kept on telling Clefarie, “Will you please stop there?” I think I found out what I’m not supposed to do so.
Feeling ko talaga ‘pag nagkita KAMI, sobrang mamumula ako (and people seem to be very fond of seeing me blush). I can’t say I’m ultra conservative, but still, these people have to consider how WE talk and how close WE are.
Neneng said, “Masyado ka nang techie, dapat medyo pornographic ka na rin. Jaycee, 20 na ‘yun.”
*insert thunder here*
And she’s so damn right. HE is no longer a boy.
Nakaka-score na nga eh!
I think I found out more than what I wanted.
*inom ng tubig*
Saturday, July 10, 2004
I'm glad to see friends fall in love and feel loved. Of course,it is expected that they get cheesy sometimes, but they are still tolerable.
Radha, I may not perfectly understand how you feel coz i have not experienced what you are going through right now, but I would still promise that I'll just be around whenever you need a shoulder to cry on or someone you can drag to Katipunan, Eastwood, and Megamall (to have lunch).
I have always admired your strong, flexible personality. I just don't tell you, coz I'm not the type who does. I only do when one least expects it. Right now, you really make me feel proud to be your friend.
Sometimes, it feels awkward to tell stories that we used to be laughing at. He's already a part of the picture. A big picture, fitting to a now small world.
I told him I'm not suppose to get mad at him because the issue is just between the two of you. I'm not really sure, but I think even his relationship with me has been affected. BECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS.
I am caught in the middle. *which is not really new* I can't see it as a problem yet (operative word: yet), but I can't help protect you.
To the Ragnarok queen, whatever happens, I'll still be on your side.
Monday, July 05, 2004
In Celebration of Gay Pride Month
My Lola celebrated her 88th birthday last Saturday (and Lola wasn’t a showgirl). Guests were just close family friends and relatives. Having guests like the daughter of Mayor Munding del Rosario and Mayor Jonjon Ferrer was not really surprising. Bong Revilla and Epi Velasco went to Lolo’s birthday before.
I saw most of my cousins and I’d say we have not had good conversations for a long time until then.
Well, I was assigned to take video footages. And it was not really very fulfilling…
I only invited one guest—Neneng. The celebration started by lunchtime but she came just in time for dinner. She came to celebrate with us, and I asked her because we really need to talk. As in!
I hinted that she was really suspicious about one thing, and she surprised me. She told my cousins that I had a boyfriend—HIM! I did not want to discuss it in front of my cousins so I just shut my mouth until we were alone.
We went to the buffet table. My cousin Vic had her boyfriend with her—Kenneth. He was a schoolmate in high school, just two years ahead of us. Neneng decided that we share the table with the two since all were occupied. Before I was able to pull a chair, my aunt called me to take the video to where my cousins were singing. When I finally got to sit and eat, Neneng told me that Kenneth has informed her that he saw HER in Vito Cruz. Right there and then, she knew why we really needed to talk.
After eating, I brought her to the covered basketball court in front of the house. Armed with a basketball, we started our SERIOUS discussion. We realized that we just had more things in common. I did not have to tell her what I thought she needed to know, because what Kenneth said was enough. By then, we were both ranting on why they did not tell us what’s between them. Actually, we were really thinking that they did not really want to tell us. HE was my best friend (operative word: was); SHE is one of her closest friends. Neneng concluded that it’s already THEM. Worse is, we think we’re the only ones who do not know. When we get to ask the people close to us and close to THEM, it’s either they keep silent or they tell us that it’s THEM who should tell us.
I was considering that they were just really busy. But Neneng said, SMS does exist. And a single won’t hurt.
We have not planned what we should do to find out. I told her I won’t be surprised but it would really hurt if we find it out from other people.
I cannot easily talk about this damn problem to other people because most of whom I talk to tease/doubt me of having a problem because I love him not for a best friend. If they don’t do the teasing while I’m confiding, they would when it is totally unexpected. And I have to let everyone understand my idea of friendship.
After the “THEM” conversation, I asked her where did she get the idea that it was US. Well, all the while I was telling her that I am mad at HIM, she was also thinking that I am in love with HIM. *sigh*
But after what Kenneth said, she erased the idea immediately and had a hint of what my rants were all about.
I was able to tell Neneng why I was mad at HIM, but I also led her to get mad at HER. She’s supposed to give HER a surprise party because she’s soon celebrating her birthday.
So, I’ll get on with my plan—I WON’T TALK TO HIM UNTIL HE DOES.
Call it pride.
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Gavin Rossdale of Bush
Daniel Johns of Silverchair
Basti Artadi of Wolfgang
Photos from PhilMUsic.com, the official site of Silverchair and AllPosters.com
I've attended the orientation and I'm done with the interview. So far, I find the people pretty cool.
Well, the whole executive committee and most of the members were present during the interview. Don said it was a record breaking interview coz everyone seems to be present...
ROCK AND ROLL!
When I reached home, whew! I found Tati and easily realized she has just finished crying, probably shortly before I arrived. I asked her if there are any problems, or if she wanted someone to talk to. She said she can handle the situation.
After eating dinner, Don came. Bangag na naman kami.
After an hour, Awin and Glaiza came. They brought their things inside the rooms then proceeded to the dining area. Glaiza sat and said she wanted to eat ice cream. Which is actually our way of saying "I am about to cry..."
Haaaayyyy... So we bought ice cream... and the flavor... (insert thunder here) VERY ROCKY ROAD! Coz Glaiza said their relationship is on the rocks... Bwahahaha! Great friends!
After the ice cream ceremony, baraha naman! Slept at 2am playing cards... Whew!