What's your favorite disguise? [/meta]
posted by letter shredder @ 11:59 a.m. on 1/20/2006
"Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love..."
-- Lester Bangs, Almost Famous
Monday, March 07, 2005
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down, he thought,
"Well, isn't this nice?"
I opened my email account and checked my sent folder. I was choosing which items I can already discard. Then I found one that struck me... It contained this:
One day, you just realize it's gone. You try to look for it everywhere,
even going back to the places where you could have lost it. You think,
you think hard, only to come upon a grim realization: it's really gone.
Of course, you can hold on to some hope. After all, there have been
some very, very lucky (blessed?) people who get it back. Perhaps you could
become one of those people. You sit home and you hope that someone
would call, and that you would get it back. But then, some time passes, and
you realize that it's still gone, and you realize that it's time to let go.
The first few days, you turn to your friends for support. Some tell you
you'll be ok, some tell you that it was your fault and that you should
have been more careful, and some tell you about their own experiences. They
give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before.
some advices include you do not need that wallet.
You then go out to find a new wallet, only to realize that you don't
really want a new one. You want the old one that you lost. No, you don't want
all these better-looking wallets, you want yours, because of how
comfortable it is, because of all the cards and pictures and other stuff in it.
you go and find another but you still want to find that wallet, to keep that wallet.
You go out and carry on without a wallet, keeping your money in your
pocket instead. You throw away stuff that you would have held on to if you had
your old wallet. And then, finally, you find a new wallet you like and
it may enter that yu don't want another wallet, not anymore.
You then start filling your new wallet, little by little. It still
doesn't feel as comfortable as the old one, but it's getting there.
Then you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff
in the wallet. Soon enough, there's as much stuff in your new wallet as
the old one. And then, after some time, you feel as comfortable with your
And then you realize that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old
wallet. Sure, you still remember most of the stuff you lost on that
wallet. But then again, you don't remember the feeling of hurt that you felt
when you lost it.
That's because that wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no
longer holding on. This new wallet you're holding, it has all the
important cards and pictures and stuff that you need. This is your wallet.
And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one.
but what if after everything that you've done, the wallet doesn't want to stay with you? for unknown reasons, you are not able to keep wallets, and you know that you lost them not because of neglect?
It was an email from S26, sent on March 17, 2004. It's in my sent folder because it was a reply to the article he sent me. The last paragraph is actually what I sent him back...
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
I crush you...will you crush me?
Nagparamdam sa akin ang crush ko nung high school through Friendster. Salamat sa Friendster. Dati, hindi ako makapaniwalang may matinong friendship o anumang relasyon na maaaring tumagal kung sa Friendster magsisimula. Akalain ko ba namang may professor sa Journ Department na maikakasal dahil sa Friendster. Naisip ko tuloy, lahat ba ng common friends nila ay invited? Invited ba lahat ng nasa personal network nila?
Balik tayo sa crush ko. Nangungumusta lang naman siya. Actually, mas madalas kaming mag-message before. Lately, sporadic na lang. Nung sembreak 'yung pinakamasaya, kasi tinawagan pa niya ako sa bahay. Tumawag din siya nung Christmas. Nakakatawa, kasi nung tumawag siya, umabot yata hanggang tenga 'yung ngiti ko. Buti na lang hindi niya nakikita. Pero sobrang saya yata ng boses ko na napansin niya. Sabi pa niya, "Parang ang saya-saya mo, ah." Hindi ko naman nasabing kasi tumawag siya. Sabi ko, wala lang.
Sabi niya, 'di raw yata siya makakauwi sa Pilipinas this year. Sayang naman. Sabi ko miss na namin siya ni Neneng, bestfriend ko. Syempre, nandamay muna ako.
Isa pang crush ko, nakita ko si Ron sa Katipunan last Saturday night habang nagkakape kami nina Edz, Kelly, Pogo, Yani, Kate at Julie sa Seattle's. Bago kami sumugod sa Katips, kasama namin nina Kate at Julie sina Virge, Rhea at Kristina sa Treehouse sa Matalino street. Nakakatawa kasi kung saan-saan ako nakakarating nang nakapambahay lang at tsinelas.
Nung hapong 'yun, sinamahan ko si Cleng na manood ng movie sa Film Center kasi International Women's Film Fest. Gusto ko ring manood ng sine pantanggal stress dahil nag-thesis mode kami magdamag. Inabutan namin 'yung Love Without Frontier. Aba, mukhang maganda. Nung nanonood kami, gusto ko nang batuhin 'yung screen at murahin 'yung mga bida. Sobrang chaka! Tinulugan ko na lang, kasi baka panaginip lang ang lahat. Pero paggising ko, andun pa rin 'yung mga mukha nila. Sumakit ang ulo namin ni Cleng. Okay lang na mag-thesis na lang ako buong buhay ko 'wag ko lang mapanood ulit 'yung movie na 'yun.
Friday, March 04, 2005
The Pica Rule
It hurts so much that after all you've done and the nights you weren't able to sleep, people would just be offended by your work.
I wouldn't want to make it a real issue. I don't even want to write anything about what happened because I don't want to archive this thing on my blog, but then, I felt like I need to explain.
If they won't let me, or just because I haven't, then I better begin with the people who might just want to read this blog.
I've been working on that lay-out since Friday, even gave up the chance to go home and stay with my family since it's a long weekend. May drama na nga 'yung Nanay ko na baka umuwi na lang ako sa birthday ko.
Monday night, I got the other articles that should be included, including the scanned illustrations. The comic strip isn't arranged yet, so I have to do the editing on Photoshop.
Tuesday, I really wanted to go home to Cavite. I terribly missed my family. So, on my vacant periods, I would come home and finish what I can do. I was able to meet the deadline on Tuesday afternoon. I've shown some of what is to be expected and requested them to do some reediting in case I missed some errors.
Wednesday night, I learned that someone was mad because not all illustrations were included in the lay-out that I did. I wanted to tell them it was not easy to do the lay-out and I did not have much time since I received them on Monday night, it isn't easy to wrap the text on the illustrations either. Besides, we lacked space.
Thursday, I talked to them. They told me we are to do another lay-out on Sunday! There again! Another weekend not at home!
Later, I also found out that one got offended by the editing that I did. There were three articles and I realized that each would need at least a page. I had to edit the three articles to fit them on one page. So you could probably imagine that only a third of each article could be printed.
When I tried to explain about the pica rule to make the editing neat and correct, they said I was being too technical. Then why assign it to me when they would never really consider the prime reason why I was asked to handle the job--I'm a Journalism student!
I know, somehow, I need to say sorry... But I still ask myself why I should. I just needed to explain. But why? I never really wanted to make then think that I am better than anyone else. If they think I am making myself look as though I'm good at this, it is because this is what I am supposed to be good at.
I just wanted to help and the least thing that I would want to do is to get anyone offended. I asked the committee head's permission before I did the editing, and she also blames herself. Even if I were given the "go" signal, I think I am the one who is left to be blamed. Yes, it seems that it is me, ALONE! Coz I did most of the tasks, and I was left to do those tasks.
To these people whom I've accidentally offended, I'm terribly sorry.