What's your favorite disguise? [/meta]

posted by letter shredder @ 11:59 a.m. on 1/20/2006

"Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love..."
                                          -- Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

Monday, March 07, 2005

posted by letter shredder at 8:40 PM

He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down, he thought,
"Well, isn't this nice?"

I opened my email account and checked my sent folder. I was choosing which items I can already discard. Then I found one that struck me... It contained this:

Letting Go

One day, you just realize it's gone. You try to look for it everywhere,
even going back to the places where you could have lost it. You think,
you think hard, only to come upon a grim realization: it's really gone.

Of course, you can hold on to some hope. After all, there have been
some very, very lucky (blessed?) people who get it back. Perhaps you could
become one of those people. You sit home and you hope that someone
would call, and that you would get it back. But then, some time passes, and
you realize that it's still gone, and you realize that it's time to let go.

The first few days, you turn to your friends for support. Some tell you
you'll be ok, some tell you that it was your fault and that you should
have been more careful, and some tell you about their own experiences. They
give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before.

some advices include you do not need that wallet.
You then go out to find a new wallet, only to realize that you don't
really want a new one. You want the old one that you lost. No, you don't want
all these better-looking wallets, you want yours, because of how
comfortable it is, because of all the cards and pictures and other stuff in it.

you go and find another but you still want to find that wallet, to keep that wallet.

You go out and carry on without a wallet, keeping your money in your
pocket instead. You throw away stuff that you would have held on to if you had
your old wallet. And then, finally, you find a new wallet you like and
settle in.
it may enter that yu don't want another wallet, not anymore.

You then start filling your new wallet, little by little. It still
doesn't feel as comfortable as the old one, but it's getting there.

Then you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff
in the wallet. Soon enough, there's as much stuff in your new wallet as
the old one. And then, after some time, you feel as comfortable with your
new wallet.

And then you realize that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old
wallet. Sure, you still remember most of the stuff you lost on that
wallet. But then again, you don't remember the feeling of hurt that you felt
when you lost it.

That's because that wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no
longer holding on. This new wallet you're holding, it has all the
important cards and pictures and stuff that you need. This is your wallet.

And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one.

but what if after everything that you've done, the wallet doesn't want to stay with you? for unknown reasons, you are not able to keep wallets, and you know that you lost them not because of neglect?

It was an email from S26, sent on March 17, 2004. It's in my sent folder because it was a reply to the article he sent me. The last paragraph is actually what I sent him back...

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

0 revealed their disguise