what's your favorite disguise?

What's your favorite disguise? [/meta]

posted by letter shredder @ 11:59 a.m. on 1/20/2006

"Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love..."
-- Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

Saturday, March 27, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 4:27 PM

Constant spontaneity

It was a nice day. it was not ultra perfect but it still went well. Coz almost everythin wasn’t planned but they happened the way I want them to.

Advertising class: Astig ang presentation. Saved money since we did not have to buy pizza. We were surprised when Ma’am Jazmines treated us (like babies???) for lunch. A cocktail lunch, yet very informal.

Argh… Tetet was accusing me of wearing an obscene shirt when I only had Elmo printed on it. It went the whole day. I know it was not obscene but I hate it when everybody got to notice it.

Met my blockmates in the afternoon. It might be the last time I’ll get to see some of them this month or for the next two weeks before the enrolment this summer and we star our internship. I already gave Almi a “yes” to join her in Batangas. Beach for a bitch like me! I already have the consent of my parents. But I also want to stay at home. I want to be with my family, not missing anyone for at least a week.

Regarding Gavin, he is really growing up fast. A part of me wants to see him that way forever. Innocent. Jolly. Loving. Naughty. But I know it would really be selfish of me. More than that, that would really be impossible. I want to spend more time at home because I don’t want to miss every chance that he would be that way.

It is really tiring to go home to Cavite every weekend or every time I wish to do so, but seeing my family, especially Gavin who always gets excited when I arrive, is enough to compensate the effort. Even more. Not everyone gets the chance to see that.

I just wish that even if he’s already grown up, he would still be excited to see and join me. Haaaay… I sound like a parent.

Still yesterday afternoon, Cy said she wants to go back to Tagaytay. It would be easier to plan this time. I also want to go back to Starbuck’s and have our hot seat discussion.

Pero this time, instead of roaming around Tagaytay, I want to bring them to the best place to swim. Then we could also go to our new place, which is a block from the beach and with a covered court across. I would still want to bring you to the old churches we went to last December. So everyone must prepare the one-thousand bucks for the petition slips. Para magka-boyfriend. Hahahaha!

Later, when everyone proceeded with their activities, I planned to go home and watch the animated flicks I’ve rented. I met the UJP guys, asking me to watch a movie. Oki doki. The last movie I watched was “Mona Lisa Smile.” Matagal na ‘yun.

My “eleven movies for a week” suddenly dropped to zero! Acads! That was frustrating. Watching movies is the only thing I can do to relax or stop myself from thinking too much. Movies make me think, of course, but somehow far from the usual thinking that I do. Although some still lead to introspection.
When we were walking, we found a better way of having fun while we walk. Pasahan ng tennis ball. So we were actually running. Kahit na dala ko ‘yung aking “haltered bag,” keri lang! Ang saya eh!

Before the movie, since we still had time before it starts, we planned to eat. But before that… we ended at Toby’s playing basketball. Hahaha! I really miss this game. Pakers! Ang taas ng ring, walang warm-up, I’m wearing my Elmo shirt, three-point area yata ‘yung spot to shoot. Hahaha! Swak! Ok pa rin! Ang daming nanonood at hindi man lang tumigil sina Kirk, Adan at Frank sa pagbanggit ng pangalan ko kaya dangal at puri na ‘yung nakasalalay! Naka-shoot naman!

Then we ate dinner, realized that these guys can really be fickle-minded. After eating, we had another game. Unahan sa pagpunta sa may movie house. Second ako! I might have turned twenty recently, pero I won’t give things like this up. As long as I have people to do it with. Or even on my own, I’m used to doing things on my own…

But there would always be something I would want to do with someone…

Hahahaha!

0 revealed their disguise

posted by letter shredder at 3:53 PM

Jaycee met Jason

Suot ang t-shirt printed with “Bush.” ‘Yung band, hindi ‘yung president. Complementary shirt for the mistress of the vocalist. Hahaha!

I came from Cavite, went straight to my apartment. Printed the slides for my exam at 1pm. Reached school. Tired!

The exam started at exactly 1pm. Essay! Only 4 questions! Ang lupit! Umabot ako sa kalahati ng blue book..

Done with the exam. Dead tired! Exhausted. Everyone I met said I was unusually quiet! May problema ba raw ako? “None. Just finished taking an exam.” Enough.

Bumaba si Cielo. Punta raw kaming Jam 88.3. Goodness! Didn’t I mention I have an interview for my investigative class due on Saturday? And a group meeting by 4pm for the presentation in my Advertising class tomorrow?

Para wala nang gulo, sige punta na tayo. Ayokong ubusin ang energy ko sa pakikipag-away kahit kanino. Ayoko ring pumunta si Cielo dun nang nag-iisa.

Pumunta sa Jam. Wala si Harry, nasa Boracay! Kumag talaga ‘yun. Sabagay, kung nakita ko ‘yun eh baka sinagot-sagot ko lang. Nagtanong kami sa desk officer nila. Wala raw silang alam about the letter. Kung nasaan ka man Harry, magtago ka na! Buti mabait si manong. Binigyan kami ng copy ng basic information about Jam. Later, may ibinigay na siyang tao sa amin para sa interview.

Anyone would do… para lang hindi masayang.

Pinapasok kami sa room na parang receiving area ng mga guests nila. The room was cozy, pwede sa aroma therapy! Hehe!

May pumasok na guy. Dala ‘yung letter namin. Lumabas din. Sabi ko kay Cielo, bading ‘yun. Ang gara kasing lumakad.

Pumasok ‘yung guy sa room. Si Jason. Ok, we started with the interview. I was the interviewer, asking questions that I didn’t even have time to read myself. He was the interviewee. Si Cielo, dakilang may hawak ng recorder.

Sumige na kami sa interview. Syempre, may eye-to-eye contact. Pero putcha! Ang ganda ng mata ng kumag na ‘to! Steady, Jaycee!

Later pa. Goodness, hindi ko na kayang makipag-usap. Halatang smoker. Chain smoker. Isipin nyo na lang kung paano ko nalaman ‘yun, eh magkausap lang kami.

Sige, Jaycee. Tingnan mo lang ‘yang questionnaire, kunyari binabasa mo. ‘Yung ibang questions ko, wala nang sense. Or meron pa rin, pero I could have asked them better.

Ahhh… tinapos ko na ‘yung interview. Then, nakalimutan ko, ano nga palang full name nitong interviewee ko. Sinalo ni Cielo. At ang kanyang position sa Jam…flat and open! Hahaha!

Web developer!

Dork friend! Adorable dork!

Nagpaalam na kami. Then, we asked him if we could call him for some more interviews from different people in the station. Okay lang daw. And he invited us for the premiere that they would have! For free! Keri lang. Wala sa plano.

We stood up. He stood up. Palabas na kami, pero nasa may unahan siya. I thought he was going to the booth. He was asking kung taga-saan kami. Then, Cielo and I got surprised coz he just went there to open the door for us!!! For someone who is used to hang out with barbaric guys, that seems nice. Really nice.

Full throttle! He wanted to give us stickers. Eh bigyan mo rin akong maraming kotse! Sabi ko, bookmarks na lang. Hahahaha! Then he said, “On Monday.” After saying “thank you,” we said we’ll be there on Monday!

Si Cielo, kinikilig.

Ako rin! Pakers! Ang landi ko! Haaaay… that seems odd!

Worse, I can’t wait for Monday to come!!!

Worst, mabubuhay ako sa pagta-transcribe ng interview!

Pathetic!

0 revealed their disguise

posted by letter shredder at 3:49 PM

Luna
This is one articel i've written and archived. i don't quite remember why, pero i wrote this on January 30, but i've entitled it then.

Ang tagal ko nang hindi nakakapag-update ng matinong article…

Have no time for it. Or probably no strong emotion to deal with, until now…

What has been happening to me lately? Haaay, guy things to deal with, peculiar proposals, photo shoots and a midterm exam that I was not able to start.

If other people do not finish their exams, I was not able to start mine. The sad thing about it, it was the only time that I came late for that class. I was just about fifty steps from the room where I was suppose to have that midterm exam… And my being late was excusable because I have to finish the sports page lay-out that was due today. But how would I argue about it?

I am spending most of my time with Kate and the guys from UJP. I really enjoy their company. We do not have the same principles at times but those times are surmounted by the good time that we are having. It is not very easy to find guys who appreciate the night sky and the lovely moon while lying at the Sunken Garden. Where you don’t have to face each other to understand how one feels over things. And your central nervous system is disturbed from time to time.

Well, I think there are lots of guys that are like those of the UJP, I just probably do not know where they are. Because while I appreciate the night sky at the Sunken Garden, they probably have their own gardens where they could lie and gaze at the moon… They have their own simple things to appreciate…

To be fair with the guys, I think it is also hard to find gals with eyes fixed on the moon…

I think girls nowadays are just as liberated as guys are… They have their own reasons; I respect them. As long as they don’t force me to acquire the same principles.

I still miss the guys I used to hang out with.

0 revealed their disguise

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 3:01 PM

Mimicry

bwisit!

client kami sa PR at Gabriela ang ire-represent. for that, ako ang secretary-general! so required magdamit babae, pero hindi pwedeng elegant ang dating!

nagsimula ang sakripisyo ko nang magsuot ako floral top. keri na yun! easy round.

sumunod ang black slacks... medyo average.

ang difficult, yung mataas na boots na suot ko! pakers talaga! to make myself comfortable, in the very least possible way, i wore my Monsters,Inc. socks... na may mukha ni Mike (sorry sa inyong lahat, i know that name is blasphemous).

ang clincher insert thunder here.... yung question and answer portion! ang briefing ko eh to introduce the org as not just a militant group, eh humirit na 'yung media ng principles ng pagiging feminist! dahil sa kaberberuhan ko (na na-practice ko dun sa Pizza Hut sa Katipunan) eh lumusot naman! malay ko ba sa iba pang concerns ng Gabriela. Naidamay ko si Sarah Balabagan at si Aubrey Miles! apat kaming clients pero ako lang ang tinanong ng panel...i mean, media.

at ang sumunod na adventure ko nung araw na iyon... ay ang exam sa Comm 141! Essay! at pipili ng topic! medyo ok naman, dahil naipaliwanag ko yung argument ni Ien Ang about Audicence Studies.

ang mahirap talaga dun eh yung pagbaba sa basement dahil sa suot kong boots!

more kabanata to go!!!

excited na ako sa advertising class!!! Shakey's, maghanda na kayo!

0 revealed their disguise

posted by letter shredder at 2:36 PM

Melancholy
Right now, nagpapakalunod ako sa cd ng Gin Blossoms… and I did after watching My Sassy Girl (birthday present from Kirk!), haaaay…saan ba nakakahanap ng mga ganun kabait na mga lalake?

Classic na babae: demanding, hormonal, fickle-minded, short-tempered, high-maintenance.

Ayan na, Till I Hear it From You…

From the observations of a few people who really know me…or who thought they know me…

Dadu: he said he can’t imagine me getting married because he thinks I never really get serious on certain things. The irony is…he confides to me! Sabi din ni Alloy, hindi raw ako ‘yung mukhang naninigarilyo dahil mukha raw akong mabait, pero matapang.

Almi: Gusto n’ya raw akong makitang umiiyak, kasi lagi n’ya raw akong nakikitang tumatawa. ‘Wag kang mag-alala, bebi, mukhang malapit na… sabi pa ni Bebi, ang boyfriend ko raw mukhang totropahin ko lang at ako ‘yung tipong mang-a-under…

Mamoo: She said she gets mad at Dadu whenever the latter says he can’t picture me getting married. She said in her letter she sees me nursing and raising my children, including making love… CREEPY! Mamoo even told me na ang taray ko. Seriously, I am not aware na mataray ako. Syempre, may tinatarayan talaga ako, pero often, hindi ko sinasadya.

Isa: She said I’m complex… The first time she told me that, we were shopping for earrings… window-shopping. She said she wonders how I play Tekken at arcades and at the same time join her shop for earrings. The second time she told me that, we were in Libis, ipinasyal namin ‘yung Jansport bag ni Kate.

Oman: Hindi raw ako intimidating para sa kanya, pero matapang ang mukha ko. When we go to the malls, he feels off when we go to lady boutiques, kaya ako ‘yung kasama ni Oman ‘pag bumibili ng cap, and he really assumes that I can’t go to stalls like Bayo and Kamiseta. I don’t want to be with him when I go there, anyway…

Clefarie: She describes me as hard outside, but passionate inside. If someone doesn’t know me at all, sabi niya, I can intimidate that person… pero if the person gets to know me more… malalaman niya kung gaano ako kagulo at kung paano ako malungkot.

Before we went to our place in Cavite (Ahhhh… Tagaytay!), I was happy then. I was really happy. I was quite contented on how my life goes, wala masyadong problema. Then nung, hot seat, the mind-blowing (an understatement) question was: Who is Jaycee behind the laughing façade?

Nakakatawa. Akala ko you saw me weak when I cried once because of that “friend” who left. Sabi nyo naman, magaling akong magdala ng problema. I knew by then that you knew how sad I was, hindi ko lang talaga trabahong magmukmok. By then, gumagawa ako ng paraan kung paano ko palalakihin ang mundo ko. Kasi lately, nagiging claustrophobic na yata ako. Tapos noon, na-realize kong ‘yung mga taong pinahahalagahan ko, wala na pala.

That I should start learning on my own. I was very independent, pero I planned my future with them. I included them. Which was wrong.

‘Yung masayang Jaycee, ayokong isipin n’yong façade lang ‘yun. it was one of my many facets. Aspects. Yun din ‘yung nakita kong mali sa mga kaibigan kong lalake eh, hindi kasi nila nakita kung paano ako umiyak. At kung paano ako mamrublema. Nakita lang nila akong umiyak dahil sa sobrang galit at ‘yung times na inakala nilang si Oman ‘yung dahilan kung bakit ako umiiyak. Madalas kasi kaming mag-away ni Oman dati, dahil sa insecured n’yang girlfriend. I still hate her!

Right now, I just want to have a male mentor. Friendship is a commitment. Gusto ko, someone pesters me even at the most unlikely hours. Syempre, yung pwede ko ring pestehin. May pupunta sa apartment para lang manood ng movie, kahit kumain lang ng ice cream. Maglalaro lang kami ng Tekken maghapon. O kaya long-drive trips. ‘yung kahit kami lang ang magkasama eh, hindi kami magkakasawaan. Yung pwede kong iyakan kapag nagbreak kami ng boyfriend ko. Yung pupunta sa bahay para mag-confide sa lovelife n’ya. Yung malakas ang loob na sabihin kung ano ang dapat kong gawin, kung ano ‘yung dapat kong baguhin. Mas naa-appreciate ko ‘yung mga kaya akong pagalitan. Pero ‘yung tipong papagalitan ako for my sake and not just for the fun of scolding someone. Gusto ko, pwede kong makalaro ng basketball, makasama mag-jog. Kahit magpalipad ng saranggola. Gusto ko kasama ko siyang maglaro ng remote-controlled na big foot. Kahit matulog together. Gusto ko, tanggap niya kung gaano ako kalakas tumawa, kung gaano ako kagulo. I want someone who sees how strong I am and how vulnerable I can be. I want someone who will recognize and appreciate the child in me.

Gusto ko kasama ko ‘yung someone na ‘yun til I get old, not necessarily magkasama kami sa bahay o kailangang malapit mga bahay namin. Basta ganun kami kalapit, pero still, we wouldn’t want to end up together…

Kaya yata hindi ko ini-entertain ‘yung thought ng pagkakaroon ng boyfriend, kasi gusto ko, mahanap ko muna ‘yung male mentor ko…

Pero mas madali talagang bumili ng yacht kesa sa humanap ng boyfriend at male mentor eh…

This is probably utopia. My utopia. Kaya ngayon, I would really appreciate someone who’ll tell me I’m living in a dream… Please explain it well.

0 revealed their disguise

Friday, March 19, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 11:59 AM

Question?

Ano nga ba ang Peking Duck?

Kung hindi duck, ano? Aso? Pusa?

'Yung peking man, si John yun!

'Yung peking girl, si kate!

'yung peking human, si Tetet!

'yung peking gender, si Yen!

yung peking hate, applicable kina alloy at jobert!

'yung peking hair, kay eddie gil!

'yung peking kotse, kay RJ (na dirty blue ang kulay)!

'yung peking name, kay Chuck kasi Charisse siya!

0 revealed their disguise

posted by letter shredder at 11:54 AM

Night life!

ang aking sariling definition ng night life:
night life
gumagawa ng homework sa gabi dahil walang time sa umaga;
matutulog sa hapon, gigising sa gabi para may bagong energy sa paggawa ng homework;
being nocturnal; and
hindi pagtulog dahil sa tambak na trabaho!

sa night life ko, hahanapin mo 'yung salitang "fun!"

0 revealed their disguise

Thursday, March 18, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 3:08 AM

Thread

Got this one from mhel!

Instructions:
A. Copy this whole list.
B. Highlight the things that are true about you.
C. Whatever you don't touch is false.

01. When I was younger I made some bad decisions
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love psychodelic mushrooms
04. I love sleeping
05. I have loads of books
06. I once slept in a bathroom
07. I love playing video games
08. I adore marijuana
09. I watch porn movies
10. I watch them with my father
11. I like sharks
12. I love spiders, I think they're adorable, especially the ones with bright colours on their backs
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair
14. I like George Bush
15. I am cool.at least by how i define the word...
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year not to mention emotionally
17. I have a jacuzzi and a Porsche
18. I have a lot to learn
19. I carry my knife everywhere
20. I can be really, really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret
23. I hate snow
25. Punk rock rules
26. I hate Bill Gates!
27. I love Chinese food
28. I would hate to be famous
29. I am so not a morning person
30. I wear glasses
31. I don't need glasses, except sunglasses
32. I have potential
33. I'm pure Japanese
34. My legs are two different sizes
35. I have a twin
36. I wear a padded bra sometimes
37. I can ramble on about absolutely nothing
38. I'm left-handed
39. I hate llamas, but I'm one of them
40. I don't like horror movies
41. I suck at climbing, but I love it anyway
42. People hate me usually
43. I love pop music
44. I hardly ever go to bed before midnight
45. I hate parking fines
46. I know the national anthem of my country by heart
47. I know more than two languages 2
48. I can spend too much time on the computer --dork mode!
49. I often want to throw out the computer in a window
50. I live on a ground floor
51. I don't like chocolate
52. I'd like to be more original
53. I've lied
54. Cocks are my favorite birds
55. I want to conquer the world
56. I wonder what happens when I die
57. I've read all books about Harry Potter
58. I love my dog!
59. I love to exercise
60. I hate chemistry with a passion
61. I love to write but I wish I could be as interesting as some people
62. I like changes
63. I hate going to class
64. I am afraid to die
65. I hate dish washing with a passion!
66. My hair is long, brown, and incredibly curly
67. My nails are nine inch long
68. My favorite color is black
69. I like to sleep on the floor
70. I am hopeless at cooking
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little
72. I should be doing something else rather than doing this --discourse analysis!
73. I am online a lot
74. I hate government
75. I don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend
76. I'm too nice for my own good
77. I love to read, I read as much as I can
78. I don't trust newspapers
79. I like debating
80. I live in a wagon
81. I clean my room once a month - when the schedule permits..
82. I'm scared of american fast food
83. I have a third eye
84. I love Mozambique
85. I don't trust any religion
86. I used to play with barbies only because all the other girls were doing it
87. I wanted to be a super hero when I was little
88. I like listening to wind chimes
89. I'm very disorganized
90. My hair is long and straight
91. I earn a lot
92. I don't like spicy food
93. I keep a diary - a blog?
94. I can't do cartwheels
95. I can be very lazy
96. I'm sarcastic more often than not - hindi ko mapigilang magtaray, im actually notaware of it...
97. I think my hair can be annoying
98. I could be sensitive
99. I love being "ab-normal"

0 revealed their disguise

posted by letter shredder at 2:30 AM

Law Tide

Slowly, I am able to see how I want my life to be. I am already considering taking up Law. The thought entered last semester, but I considered that it was just because I was taking up Comm 120. I did not open the idea to my parents because I have to consider that I am the eldest and, even if my parents do not require me, I have to help in supporting the family.

After what happened a few months ago, my parents found it important to have a lawyer in the family. And my mother remembered the question that I asked her once, if she’s willing if I take up Law. I knew from the start that my parents would be supportive but I must not be selfish, may mga kapatid pa ako.

In the conversations i had with my parents, we talked about it, but we did not thrive much on the matter. Now, I think I want to go to Law school. If I do not end up taking up Law, I’ll enter FINISHING SCHOOL! Hahahaha! Actually, I might probably enter graduate schools.

I plan to work for two or three years, and if I find it significant that I take up Law, then I will. I just hope that it would not burden our family. Once I start, wala nang atrasan. And I’d stop working, at least while I am studying.

I have been thinking of this for quite a while now. I hope I can talk to anyone about this, preferably someone who did or someone who planned to but didn’t. I also have to consider the responsibilities and changes once I take that path.

Pero right now, I just want to finish college and find my own band. Band… not necessarily that I take it as a profession, I just want to have the right friends who are as passionate as I am when it comes to music, my music. May jamming from time to time. This is the way I want to relax and express my poetic side, through songs.

I know I cannot plan everything but it is good that I am already able to picture how I want my life to be. At least as a start.

After all, His will shall always be done… and I’m surrendering everything to Him.

0 revealed their disguise

posted by letter shredder at 2:24 AM

Annie

I always say it’s unfair to generalize… dahil wala namang pagkakataong pareho…

Pero paano kung iba-iba nga ng paraan, iisa naman ang kinauuwian?

Ayoko nang umiyak… nakakapagod…

Pagod na rin akong maghanap… baka nga ‘yung pinaniniwalaan kong meron, wala naman pala. Na ‘yung alam ko, akala ko lang pala. Na baka pinipilit ko lang talagang paniwalain ang sarili ko na meron dahil ‘yun ang hinahanap ko… dahil iyon ang gusto ko… at baka nga iyon lang ang pag-asa ko…

Paano kung ‘yung kinalakhan mo, mawawala na lang bigla sa panahong kailangan mo talaga… natuto na akong mag-isa… dahil wala na sila… siguro nga masyado akong umasa, pero paano mo pipigilan ang sarili mo kung bata ka pa lang, nandyan na, at sa musmos mong isip, nakita mo na ‘yung sarili mo na kasama sila…

Nakakatawa. Kung kailan napaniwala mo na ‘yung mga tao na posible ‘yung pinaniniwalaan mo, ikaw naman ang hindi na naniniwala sa pilit mong ipinaunawa sa kanila…

Masakit…

Dati, inilaban mo ‘yung gusto mo. Nang mag-isa. Nang inakala mong nandyan na, at nakita nga nilang totoo na, sumaya ka, sumaya rin sila… bigla namang nawala. Ilalaban mo na naman na hindi nga pala totoo, wala nga pala.

It pains you more when all you wanted was the best, of the cleanest intentions. That you wanted to help, because helping is enough to make you happy. The fact that you were chosen to help was enough to make you feel complete.

Sa paudlot-udlot na kwentuhan ng kabataan, naunawaan ka na ng marami… kung bakit mas marami kang kilalang wrestler kaysa sa mga kaibigan ni Barbie. Ikaw ang Annie ng maraming Shaider. Ikaw lang ang nakapalda sa basketball court tuwing lunch. Ikaw lang ang kasamang matulog ‘pag may practice ng banda. Ikaw ang niyayayang maglaro ng Tekken, sumamang mag-drive. Ikaw ang angkas sa motor tuwing pupuntang Tagaytay.

‘Yung pinakaunang tiningala mo, kasalukuyang nagbabagsak s’yo. Sa pamilya mo. Siya pa yata ang una mong tinawag ng “kuya,” at una pang tumawag ng “mommy” sa nanay mo.

‘Yung kausap mo sa pool hanggang alas-kwatro ng umaga, kinabukasan pa lang, nagsinungaling na s’yo.

‘Yung mga huli, hindi ka naman matanggap kung ano ka. Parang pag sinabi mong mahal ka, pero hindi ka gusto. Mas masakit, ‘di ba?

Ang hirap. Dahil sa oras na umulit at nagkaroon ng bagong sugat, ‘yung mga sugat na inakala mong magaling na at kaya mo nang tiisin, nananariwa na naman. Sabay-sabay pa. At ang mga nahuhuling sugat, mas malalim at mas malaki ang pilat.

Umulit na naman. Nadapa ka na naman. Ang lakas ng loob mong lumakad nang nakapiring, eh ‘yung guide mo pa naman ang hinahanap mo. Nang may makapa ka, tinanggal mo ‘yung piring, mali pala. Nagsuot ka pa ulit. Mali na naman.

Ngayon, hindi ko isusuot ‘yung piring, dahil kailangan kong balikan ‘yung pinanggalingan ko. Pero paano mo hahanapin ‘yung pinanggalingan mo, kung pumunta ka nang nakapiring? Lalong hindi pwedeng magpiring ka ulit at umatras.

Katangahan na ‘yon!

Alam n’yo naman kung paano ko pinigilan ang sarili ko. Kung paano ko tinuruan ang sarili kong hindi umasa. Pero nang tinawag ng panghuli ang pangalan ko, akala ko tama na.

Hindi ko na muna isusuot ‘yung piring. Pero hindi na rin muna ako lalakad. Mas masakit pag nadapa ka nang mulat na mulat…

Anu ‘t ano man ang mangyari, alam kong isusuot ko ulit ‘yung piring na ‘yon. Iuntog n’yo na lang ako ‘pag nagkataon. Kahit sampalin, pwede na.

Medyo lakasan n’yo, ha?

‘Yung nakakamanhid.

0 revealed their disguise

posted by letter shredder at 2:23 AM

Ang Letter ni Kate…
(self-censored, with permission from the sender in respect to the copyright law… hahahaha)

Mahal kong Jacinta, (pakers!!!)

Anyway – nga pala, may mga bagong recruit tayo sa ating sosority na Sigma Delta Pantranco – si Tin, si CJ, at si Edz. Sobrang di makahinga si Tin kanina, sana nakita mo – priceless.

Wag mo nga rin palang kalimutan ‘yung Betty and Veronica Decide to Die ni Archie Padalhin. Tangina. Tawang-tawa ako dito. Ito ‘yung text na gumising sa kin today, lintek ka, alas-singko na ako natulog dahil kay Guioguio at sa lecheng website na ‘yan…

Creativity portion:

Pasensha ka na at di ako gaanong ka-creative. Actually, plano ko sanang i-embed ‘tong lahat sa HTML code – tipong me div tag at me table tag at me tr at td tags heheheh tapos NAKAPRINT siya so para makita mo ‘yung itsura niya sa webpage eh dapat mo shang I-TYPE ULIT hehehehhehe… astig sana yun kaso baka di mo na ako kausapin… mwahahahahah. (buti alam mo, eh pwede mo namang i-lay-out at ako na lang sa view source)

Semi-drama:

…Tama si allan popa – kung masaya ka di ka makakasulat. Nung January, nang panay ang arcade nating dalawa, panay ang uwi ng hatinggabi dahil gusto nating bagtasin ang katipunan mula mcdo hanggang the barn…

Masaya ako nung jan at feb, bago ang ngaragan, rememeber the fair? pasasalamatan na kita ngayon pa lang. Hindi ko talaga makakalimutan kung papano nyo ako pinagtulungan ni ice kaya nakarating sa eastwood ang jansport kong dilaw; at na muntik ko nang punit-punitin ang logbook dahil alas-kwatro pasado mo na ako pinauwi nung Tuesday night Fair na yun – promise di ko makakalimutan sina Karl Roy na sabog (at ang kanyang cellphone), si Ira Cruz mo (gwapo talaga!), si Bamboo na kamukha ni Brendan Fraser, at yung lalaking di natin natanong ang pangalan, yung nakaupo sa likod natin at… yun na. Heheheheh tangina, fresh pa rin sa memory ko yung… yung feeling na nase-sense mo yung pag-ripple ng grass blades beneath… heheheheh. Tangina talaga (sayang, naramdaman ko pa namang mahal ko na rin siya sniff). Anyway. Alam mo ngayong sem lang tayo naging ganito ka-intense ang bonding session – not to mention all those nights sa sunken garden, lalo na nung binato kita ng football sa mukha at 10pm… hehehehe. Lalo naman nung muntik mo na akong tanggalan ng ulo with jarjar your Frisbee, habang kinakantahan tayo ng ujp boys ng isang jologs na kantang pangpreso hehehe. Naaalala ko na yung hirit ni kirk sa atin, sa iyo lalo – parang naka-tira. Hahaha sa sobrang high.

Pasensha na, this is supposed to be a birthday letter. So okay, let’s talk about being 20. hehehehe. Is it really that bad, turning 20 too early? Hehehhe. Oo nga no, dalawang dekada, ano na nagawa mo (nanggago) di ba? Aside dun… sa lahat ng lalaking niloko mong bading nung grade school hehehehe… at sa mga taong binwisit mo nung high school… at mga nilinlang mo ngayong college… hay jaycee wala kang kupaaaas! Isa kang alamat! pero dapat mabait ako sa yo kasi ikaw ang may pinakamaraming anecdotes na pwedeng ipang-balckamil sa akin bwahahaha… simulan mo dun sa French fry incident sa mcdo. Ehhehe.( at nang madulas ka sa EDSA, bwahahaha!)

Drama proper:

Ako, personally, bilib ako sa yo dahil panganay material ka talaga. (di tulad ko, nagpapangagp lang ata ako na panganay eh pero mas mature pa sa akin si wy) mapagmahal sa mga kapatid – alam mo yung naaatim mo na sila yung inuuna? Sobrang dedicated sa pamilya… I guess ito talaga yung nag-shine about you, jaycee, lately- yung dedication mo sa pamilya mo, yung hanggang patayan talaga ilalaban mo para lang wala sa kanila ang maagrabyado… malamang nasabi ko na ito before, sulat ko na lang rin para permanente na –swerte ng pamilya mo sa yo, lalo na pa’t panganay ka, sigurado silang may maaasahan… kahit mag-Law ka man o hindi, panigurado makakatulong ka sa pamilya mo, panigurado makakatulong ka sa pamilya mo. Kung anu man desisyon mo tiyak instant back-up sila Nana at Gavin at Sydney ( na alamat din) et al… and of course us, kaming mga kaibigan mo, mga gago man at sawi (feel ko masisigawan ako ng, “nandamay ka pa! Ikaw lang!” –sige fine.) eh alam mo naman all you have to do is say, “may press release ako” (at hanggang sa mga kadramahan ko eh gumagana creativity ko, remember the teaser?) at lamo naman handa kaming makinig. I mean, for me, it’s the least that I could do to thank you for all those times na ikaw ang ginawa kong soundboard di ba. Among the many triats I like in you is your ability to listen without passing judgment (thank you!).

…in more ways than one, in ways far more touching, and in times too many to possibly keep track of – you have made me feel as if I were worth the time and effort to listen to, even if sometimes I myself like I’m stuck in a show that never ends and all that I ever get to show other people are reruns, but you never seem to get tired (right,hindi lang ikaw, kahit ako,hindi na nadala at natuto). Gusto ko lang malaman mo na naaappreciate ko lahat yun, lahat ng oras na ginugol mo sa akin, sa kagaguhan man o sa kadramahan… gusto kong malaman mo kahit hindi ako gano ka-vocal about it, that I appreciate the little things. Ikaw nga ata nagturo sa akin nun, appreciation of the little things (gaya ni mahal at mura—sipa!), yung paglubog ng araw, yung mga stars, yung bilog na buwan, lahat. (yung bulb at ballast, puno at dahon…hahahaha Jacobina!) salamat, marami akong natutunan sa yo.

Naalala mo nung fair, nung Friday, nung nagkagulo sobrang I was worried about her to near fucken tears and then you. Fucken. Brought her to me, hindi ko alam kung magwawala ako, tatawa, iiyak o mag-n-NR effect I cant remember how I dealt with that – I think I just said, “IKAW! Umuwi ka na…”

Tangina ang gulo. Alala mo nun, hindi ko alam kung ano gagawin ko sa iyo – gusto kitang sapakin at yakapin at the same time. Hehehhe, tangina mo dude, pero mahal kita for doing that (gay love!). If I never thanked you for that – well, salamat. It really meant a lot to me, you know.

So, um eto sa aking partner in crime and in walking along katipunan at 11pm, sa aking co-bushwacker, sa aking bogart ng aking rudy (o sa rudy ng aking bogart? Tangina nakalimutan ko na), kay wallflower na aking shifter>>> Mag-arcade tayo minsan. Ayoko na kay Julia chang, pasaway (not to mention hormonal). Happy birthday dude…

Dude, I may have appreciated those simple things nature has given us, pero it really helped me to know that there are people who are open to appreciate them, too. Those who are open to the thoughts of others. In this complicated word, if people won’t learn how to appreciate simple things, sooner or later, these people will never learn to face reality. They would never learn how to be happy.

Salamat sa cd, alam mo namang matagal na akong naghahanap ng Jagged Little Pill. Haaaay, kaya ngayon pa lang, ‘wag kang magugulat kung ‘yun na nire-recite ko sa klase at doon na galling citations ko…hahaha! Paniwalaan kaya ako ni Sir Teodoro? Scenario: Sir Teodoro asking the class what they can say about the recent sea tragedies. Jaycee: Sir, according to Alanis Morissette, it’s like rain on your wedding day; it’s a free ride, when you are already paid; it’s a good advice that you just didn’t take.. Bwahahaha! Kukunot na naman ang noo ni Auntie Jane.

Sobrang alam n’yo naman ‘yung mga frustrations ko. Alam n’yo rin kung anong ginagawa ko about them at kung ano hitsura ko ‘pag wala akong magawa. Alam n’yo kung bakit madalas eh feeling ko, isinumpa ang masscom dahil konti lang lalake at walang mahilig sa banda! Eh ten years old pa lang ako, sa idea na ng pagkakaroon ng sariling banda umiikot mundo ko. It is very rare to find the people who are really passionate (the term!) about bands. Hindi ‘yung tunog tao.

Para sa (mga) babaeng pumalakda sa EDSA after watching Sanib, at namumulot ng French fries na nahulog na sa sahig at kumakanta ng “I’m comin Out” from time to time...SALAMAT!!!

0 revealed their disguise

Monday, March 15, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 6:35 PM

Multi-tasking
Typing while singing, texting and listening to my cd’s.

March 13, 2004

Whew!!!

I started the day, my birthday, at 12am. After monitoring The World Tonight and consolidating data, RJ from UPLB, who happens to be in QC to perform in Timog, fetch me and Kate (+Angeli) from Julie’s place. I know I had to ask RJ on certain issues involving him and Shayne. Kailangan ko lang ng ilang sagot para linawin ang ilang bagay-bagay. At literal ang pagtaas ng kilay ko nang makita kong may babae, si Aileen, sa kotse.

‘Yung simpleng mga tanong ko nauwi sa diskurso (thanks to my mobile, interactive sleeping pill professor). He first asked me to join him in Timog, pero dahil DORK mode ako, hindi pwede. Sayang talaga, jamming talaga ‘yon! May isang taon na rin akong hindi nakakakanta sa banda. Nagkasya kami sa pagpunta sa apartment, nag-usap sa kalsada. As usual, hinila na naman ako malayo sa lahat. At hinayaan kong magkakilala (na nauwi raw sa “pagniniig”) sina Kate at Janmic.

Akala ko tapos na ang kwento, pero hindi pa pala. Sabi ni RJ, “Okay lang bang hiramin oras mo?” dahil alam niyang gagawa pa nga kaming website (ng flood control sa Iloilo!). Nakinig na naman ako sa walang katapusang away nila ni Shayne.

As I remember, he asked me, “Kilala mo ba talaga si Shayne?”

Sabi ko naman, “Hindi ko na alam.”

And he narrated his rants that include abortion, distrust, the “boylets,” and thrusts (hmmm)…

Nakakatuwa. Hindi na bago ‘yung mala-Tiya Dely kong role, pero ang saya na malamang ako ‘yung piniling sabihan ni RJ, at hindi sa buong tropa. If I’ll choose to look at it the negative way, makikita ko lang na andyan na naman siya dahil may hihinging favor at magbubuhos ng sama ng loob.

I chose to look at it the positive way. Because it meant that I was important, and he admitted that he really needed someone to talk to. “Pasyal ka lang dito o kaya puntahan mo na lang ako sa bahay,” sabi ko na lang. Nakikita ko kasi sa mata ni RJ na paiyak na siya, something guys rarely do in front of girls. Dinadaan na lang niya lahat sa pagkain ng chips, pero halata pa rin. Parang wala naman ‘yung atensyon niya sa pagnguya. And he hardly noticed that he has eaten all the chips.

In the afternoon, RJ was asking me to decide for him, but I resented the idea. All I can do is watch and remind him sometimes.

(You by Evanescence—unreleased, yes, may cd ako nito before amy lee requested it to be pulled out, kaso walang mahanapan ng lyrics)

Time check: 2:30 am.

Pinauwi ko na sina RJ. I really wanted to talk to them and could have joined them perform in Timog pero I had to prioritize that website project because of a very short notice from them.

3am na, pero hindi “Matchbox” ang drama ko today. Dahil noon lang namin nasimulan ang website na due at 9am. Classic!

At 6am, meme na kami. Simeco kami ni Kate (ang bilis, noh?).

Putcha! 7:15, gising na ako at hindi makatulog. Tumayo ako at nag-ayos ng gamit. Delubyo na sa kwarto!

(Let Her Cry by Hootie and the Blowfish)
(Brick by Ben Folds Five)

9am, pumasok. On my way to school, Oman texted he wanted to eat lunch with me. Marami daw siyang problema. Haaay… what’s new?

Sa class, ginawan ng paraan kung paano ipe-present ang website. At ang nasabi kong reason, insert thunder here audience segmentation! Barbero!

(Tea and Sympathy by Jars of Clay)

At 11:15, nasa canteen, kausap sina Julie at Sam. Bangagan. Rants. Bitterness. Tsk. Tsk.

(Awit ng Kabataan by Rivermaya)

12:05pm, dumating si “mahal kong kumag,” kumain kami sa Katipunan. Syempre, libre.. ni Oman. Chicken Inasal (inasar!). at nagkakwentuhan na kami, tungkol sa lovelife, lovelife at lovelife ni Oman. Nagkaliwanagan. At umamin na may sinadya siyang hindi ikwento dahil magagalit daw ako. Ang santong kilala ko, gago rin pala. Nagkwento na naman. We were talking about virginity over lunch! Sana matunawan ako! Nilinaw kong hindi lahat ng lalake at babae eh nagkakasundo lang para maging mag-boyfriend. Pwede naming dahil pareho sila, at nagkakasundo. They probably like each other pero not in a romantic sense. And this is what I’ve been proving people eversince. And I think, nagsi-sink in na sa mga blockmates ko. Dahil ‘pag sinabi kong boylet, not necessarily boyfriend material. It’s either rocker na kasundo sa music o komedyanteng walang stage.

(Crazy for You by Spongecola)
(Name by Goo Goo Dolls)

1:15pm, we rented a VCD that we could watch in the apartment. Lahat ng gusto ko, napanood na niya. Lahat ng gusto niya, napanood ko na rin. Toss-coin. Si Oman, pipili. “First Time” daw. Goodluck! Finding Nemo uwi namin. Dapat pala hinayaan ko na lang siyang manood nung First Time at natulog na lang ako. Pero astig naman ‘yung movie, at may memory akong kailangang patungan.

(Linger by The Cranberries)

Sa apartment, ayun na! Nakahilata kami ni Oman. Ang saya! Ang tagal ko nang hindi nagagawa ‘to, manod ng sine with guy friends at maghihiga with guy friends. Everything is really turning out more than I expected. Matutulog dapat ako pero paano ko ba palalampasin si Dory? Nagtetext na naman si RJ. Habang nanonood, niyayabangan ako ni Oman ng mga babaeng may crush sa kanya. Maya-maya, humirit si Oman,, “Hindi na talaga ako nanalo s’yo.” EVIL GRIN

(All I Want by Toad the Wet Sprockets)

4pm, tapos na movie. CD’s naman trip. Maliligo na ako. Kahit nasa banyo eh nag-aasaran kami ni Oman. Bilisan ko raw, eh dinadaldal naman ako. Pinalabas ko si Oman, kasi magsusuot akong pantalon. Tawa lang siya. Binibilang ni Oman ang mga nagko-confide sa akin. Isa-isahin natin: Alan, Shayne, RJ, Oman, Clefarie, Neneng, Neal, Jayvie, Noril, Pearl, Henry, Tati, Ticoi, . Nakakarami na rin pala ako. Hindi pa kasali ‘yung collge friends, blockmates sa UP, at ‘yung mga nagiging classmates ko sa Psych 101 (1), Math 11 (2), Psych 150 (1), Soc Sci 2 (1), etc. Hindi raw niya alam kung bakit. Kahit ako nahihiwagaan, to think na ako ‘yung walang boyfriend. At ang hirit ko: “Nakakadala kasi kayong pakinggan!” Hahahaha!

(Ironic by Alanis Morisstte)

4:30, umalis na kami ng apartment, balik na sa UP. Bumili ng tig-isang canned soda. Sagot na naman ni Oman. Nagtataka na ako. Bakit ba extra sa bait nito? Bumabawi na ba?

(King of Pain by Alanis M.)

5:20pm, bumalik kami sa MassCom. Andun sina Kate, Cleng, at Julie. Sabi ko kay Kate, the day started right. I am so happy. I just hope it would end right. Nag-practice na naman si Julie sa soda can. Palpak na naman.

(Perfect by Alanis M.)

Nagyaya si Oman sa Lagoon, gusto niya raw pumunta doon… Ako naman, niyaya ang mga bruha. Sumama si Kate.

(Uninvited by Alanis M.—astig sa timing!)

Bakit ba gusto ni Oman na lumakad mag-isa? Ngayon lang ba siya nakakita ng mga puno? Biglang pumihit si Oman, may kinukuha sa bulsa. Tumingin naman ako. At ang bumulaga sa akin ay ang mga bangag na classmates ko noong high school! Sina Neneng, Clefarie at Dei. May mascot pang si Neal. May hawak silang mga lobo. May “Happy Birthday Jaycee” na nakasabit sa puno. May (cup)cakes with candles. May chips. At may nitso ni Danielle Steel?

(Hands Clean by Alanis M.)

Nagulat ako. Hindi ko na alam kung iiyak ako, tatawa o wala lang. Parang nagpatung-patong na. Sa TV, dapat umiiyak na ako at nagbibigay ng speech. Pero... Basta! Hindi ko na maipaliwanag. Basta alam kong masaya ako. I feel so blessed and it seems that everything paid off. Everything I’ve done for other people. It is even more than I deserve.

(Paglisan by Color It Red)

Nagbulgaran ng mga kapalpakan at kung sino ang may pakana ng lahat. Si Oman, pinabibili palang drinks pero ako lang ang ibinili ng canned soda. Kasali ba ‘yun sa plano para hindi ko mahalata? At si Neneng, my bestfriend since first grade, galing pa sa Cavite. She went to Diliman just for the surprise.

Shit! Do I really deserve such time and effort?

I ordered pizza. Had I known they’d be coming, then it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore! Hahaha! Well, had I known they’d be coming, I would have bought food and drinks.

(I Need You Here by Color It Red)

Kuwentuhan. Asaran. Kulitan.

Later, may fireworks display! Sila rin daw may pakana. Piankiusapan daw nila ‘yung natitinda ng balot sa may theater. Sobrang cosmic intervention na ito! Nakakatuwa. Basahin ko na lang daw yung message sa fireworks. J-A-Y-C-E-E. Ayun daw blood type ko. Ang password ko. Signature. Friends sa Friendster. At ang pinakamakulay na “period” to end everything.

(Ganyan by Color It Red)

I’m so lucky to have you guys. Speech ko na. Wala talaga akong masabi. I cant find the right words. Words are not enough to say how I appreciate your efforts.

I miss my high school friends. Basta ‘yung hindi ko masabi, gagawin ko na lang. Babawi ako.

(Sumigaw Ka by Color It Red)

Around past 7pm, lakad na kami ni Kate sa Sunken. Naintindihan niya na raw kung bakit ganito DNA coding ko. Pero hindi siya makapaniwala na galing kaming lahat sa Science high school.

(Unat Huli by Color It Red)

I met Ron and Mon. Syempre kasama ko si Sector Two (who wasn’t playing dead then). Kumain kaming isaw. Can’t eat much, though. I had two slices of pizza at the Lagoon. Masyado na rin akong pagod. Masyado pa rin akong elated.

(Na Naman by Color It Red)

They had to go to a party kaya their stay was short. Nagyaya si Kate sa guesthouse, kailangang mag-CR. Hindi ko kasi sinamahan sa Educ. Magkasakit na siya sa bato, pero talagang hindi ako sasama doon. Ayoko pang mamatay sa takot!

(Hand Painted Sky by Color It Red)

Hindi na namin makakasama ang mga alipores namin kasi pagod sa graduation ng ROTC. Kaya naman pineste namin si Ate Tine sa guesthouse, at ipinakita ko sa kanya ang Jaycee na sinasabi niyang prim and proper. Hahahaha! Bangag.

(Ginuhit ng Langit by Color It Red)

10pm, umuwi na rin ako… Pagod na rin eh. Basta masaya ako… Sana tuluy-tuloy lang.

Salamat talaga!!!

Lahat wala sa plano ko. Dahil ang gusto ko lang mangyari, maghihiga dun sa Sunken habang nagbibilang ng stars at iniisa-isa ang mga nagawa ko na at mga sisimulan. Kahit ‘yung plano ko, hindi natuloy… Sad… Pero I had to understand. Pagod ang mga tao at may mga lakad pa rin sila.

After today, kailangan ko na ring pag-isipan ‘yung mga plano ko sa buhay. At ang naghuhumiyaw na idea ng “Law school” after college. Ang buhay sa banda. ‘pag nagkataon pala, magkakaroon ng isang lawyer na rocker. Lawyer na vocalist ng banda. Asteeeeeg!!!

Thanks, people! You made my birthday really memorable. Hindi ko na ‘yun makakalimutan. Lalo na kayo…

Salamat, uli.

0 revealed their disguise

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 8:45 PM

Taming the fox

"the brave may not live forever but the cautious may not live at all" --the princess's diary

i have been taming foxes but i do not know how to take responsibility. right now, as the thick ice sheet around me melts, i begin to see myself as the fox being tamed... at natatakot na ako. but i will try to risk. slowly.

to the prince who slowly tames the fox, if you will leave, do it soon. coz u can never leave me unscathed. not anymore.

it pays off to be innocent.

0 revealed their disguise

posted by letter shredder at 8:13 PM

Diaspora

haaaaay... i survived comm 141 class without sleeping. paano ka ba naman magigising sa prof na mobile, interactive sleeping pill. nagising lang ang diwa ko nang mag-report si Bryan... bumira ba naman ng kwento na ang title ay hindi niya alam, at si Joma Sison daw ay nag-self exile dahil sa CCP!

pero tinamaan ako nung sinabi nyang "ang horizon pwede mo lang tingnan pero hindi mo pwedeng lapitan." taob! home is where the hatred is! humirit pa ng "jewlaw (read: julo) na ang ibig sabihin pala ay jewish law! at ang huling banat: "hindi ka naman pwedeng mag-diaspora mag-isa." sira na naman CNS ko! taob!

pagkatapos ng klase, meeting for PR class. isasalang na kami. at pakshet! caltex ang client namin! kaya dapat grilled ang food... since streetchildren ang target namin, streetfood na lang daw ang pakain! magkasing-kulit na kami ni lawrence!

pagkatapos ng meeting... nakita ko si gladys! classmate at kakwentuhan sa buhay habang nagkaklase sa comm 141. siya rin yung nadamay sa pagpasok ko sa men's room sa makati! nag-open ang bruha, ngayon nya lang daw naiintindihan yung mga problema ko last sem. ngayon lang nya nararamdaman yung pagkawala ng mga kaibigan niyang mga lalake...

at ang mga linya: been there! than that! used to!

at humirit pa siya: gusto ko kayo ang magkatuluyan ni oman.

buti hindi ako nadapa. ano na naman 'to???

si oman, pagkatapos naming manood ng fair nung feb 13, wala na naman sa sirkulasyon. ayoko ko nang mangulit. ang lifetime endorser ng cream-o.

haaaay...

0 revealed their disguise

posted by letter shredder at 7:20 PM

Meantime Girl
unknown

What's a meantime girl?

She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night.

She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a "real" woman, either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable – she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does.

But she’s cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve.

You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need.

And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went.

She’s just so cool . . . why can’t all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t be cause to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with.

Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs – she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off.

Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman.

So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. You’ll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she’ll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room.

But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do. She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point I don’t even care. I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot.

And someday we won’t be around.
=========================================
sniff eto na po yung password ng yebah sa site... pero masaya ako, nababawasan ang mga single sa block!!!

0 revealed their disguise

posted by letter shredder at 7:14 PM

Twenty Questions
Ni Juan Ekis

MGA TAUHAN

Jigs _ Fresh grad. Kabarkada ni Yumi. Magtatrabaho bilang researcher
sa isang financial firm

Yumi _ Commercial Model. Kabarkada ni Jigs. 2 years ahead kay Jigs.

TAGPO

Gabi. Sa isang kwarto ng isang beach resort. Naglalatag ng kumot si
Jigs sa sahig habang inaayos ni Yumi ang kanyang higaan.

YUMI Sige na, Jigs. Huwag ka nang magpaka-gentle man. Naaawa ako
sa¹yo e. Tabi na tayo sa kama.

JIGS Hindi, okay lang ako dito.

YUMI Huwag ka nang maarte. As if naman re-rapin kita no. Malaki naman
itong kama e. Hatiin na lang natin sa gitna.

JIGS Sure ka?

YUMI Hindi mo naman siguro ako mamanyakin no?

JIGS (Matatawa) Okay ka lang?

YUMI Kung gusto mo, gamitin na lang natin iyang kumot na divider.

JIGS Good idea.

Isasampay nila ang kumot mula sa kisame para mahati ang kama sa
gitna. Magsesettle down ang dalawa. Ilalabas ni Jigs ang libro niya:
³Puppy
Love and other Stories² ni F. Sionil Jose. Si Yumi naman ay
magpapatugtog ng Japanese Zen Music habang nagsa-zazen.

YUMI Do you mind?

JIGS No, go ahead. I¹m just reading.

Magsa-zazen si Yumi. Magbabasa si Jigs. Pareho silang di
maka-concentrate. Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player niya.

YUMI I can¹t believe our friends.

JIGS Oo nga e.

YUMI Dapat ginagawa nila OEto sa mga bagong pasok sa barkada o kaya
sa bagong...ay oo nga pala. Bagong graduate ka. Congrats.

JIGS Thanks.

YUMI So what¹re your plans?

JIGS Kinukuha akong researcher sa ADB. Kinukuha rin ako ng BPI sa OTP
nila.

YUMI Wow naman. In demand.

JIGS Di naman masyado. Who the hell invented this tradition anyway?

YUMI (Matatawa) You won¹t believe it.

JIGS Ikaw?

YUMI Malay ko ba na mabibiktima rin ako nito balang-araw.

JIGS So why did you start it?

YUMI Wala ka pa sa tropa nun e. Freshman ka pa lang siguro noon. Wala
lang. Napagtripan lang namin si Ronald. E may crush siya kay Meg.
Noong unang beses magpunta rito ng barkada, sabi ko, magsimula kami
ng tradition. Ilo-lottery namin ang pangalan ng mga lalaki at ng mga
babae. Kung sino ang mabubunot, silang dalawa ang pagsasamahin sa
isang kwarto sa loob ng tatlong araw. And then, we¹ll all see what
happens. Pero dinaya namin noon yung kay Ronald at Meg. Puro Ronald
at Meg ang mga pangalan na nakalagay sa lottery.

JIGS (Tatawa) Ang sama ninyo!

YUMI Kaya nga nakarma na ako e.

JIGS So is our case, dinaya? O talagang lottery?

YUMI (Teasing) Ano sa dalawa ang gusto mo?

JIGS Feeling ko may nagtrip sa¹kin sa barkada e.

YUMI Excuse me po, dalawa tayong biktima dito. I don¹t see any reason
kung bakit tayong dalawa ang sasadyaing biktima this year, unless may
crush ka sa¹kin na di ko alam at alam nila (tatawa).

JIGS Baka ikaw (tatawa).

YUMI The success rate of this tradition is 100% so far.

JIGS I was here na the 2nd time. Si Chris at si Cia ang biktima.

YUMI And last year were Rod and Kay. They¹re getting married kailan?
Sa June yata.

JIGS What do you expect? Ikukulong mo ang isang lalaki at isang babae
sa isang kwarto for three days, imposibleng walang mangyari doon!

YUMI That was exactly my point. (Ngingiti)

JIGS E kung may madisgrasya?

YUMI Ano¹ng disgrasya?

JIGS Alam mo na OEyun!

Hahawiin ni Yumi ang divider nilang kumot.

YUMI Ano? Sex? Pa¹no kung magsex sila? Nakakatawa ka naman. Di mo
masabi.

JIGS Ang alin?

YUMI Ang sex!

JIGS Hah!

YUMI Sige nga sabihin mo nga?

JIGS Para kang tanga. Tumigil ka nga.

YUMI Shet, Jigs. Graduate ka na totoy ka pa rin!

JIGS Excuse me?

YUMI Sabihin mo nga: ³Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!²

JIGS Para kang bata, Yumi ha.

YUMI You used to call me ate Yumi when you were in third year.

JIGS Well, graduate na po ako, ate Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS Hmmm. I wonder if we¹re gonna last three days.

YUMI (Teasing) Bakit? Ayaw mo sa¹kin?

Di sasagot si Jigs.

YUMI We¹re gonna survive this one.

JIGS What makes you so sure?

YUMI No offense, Jigs. I honestly find you very attractive pero I¹ve
no time for this. Alam mo naman siguro na kaka'

JIGS Same here.

YUMI Same here what? Na you find me attractive o you don¹t have time
for this? (Matatawa)

Di sasagot si Jigs. Tahimik. Io-on ulit ni Yumi ang CD player at
ipagpapatuloy ang zazen. Itatabi ni Jigs ang libro. Nawalan na siya
ng ganang magbasa. Pupunta siya sa ref. Bubuksan niya ito.

JIGS Hah! (Sarcastic) Perfect! Red Wine! How very conducive.

YUMI May chips ba diyan?

JIGS Sa awa ng Diyos, may tsibog naman.

Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player. Tatayo siya at kukuha ng chips sa
ibabaw ng ref.

YUMI Since we¹re gonna be stuck naman with each other for three days,
might as well make the best out of it di ba? I-enjoy na lang natin.

JIGS What do you mean?

YUMI Get the wine, let¹s have a drink! 50 hours to go na lang and
we¹re gonna be the first failure of this tradition.

JIGS Oo nga. (Kukunin ang wine. Maglalagay sa dalawang baso.) When
they chose Cia and Chris, naiintindihan ko pa e. Lalo na sina Rod and Kay.
Kung baga, tinulungan lang natin silang umamin sa isa¹t isa. Pero
us...

YUMI Weird ng barkada natin no?

JIGS To our barkada and our weird traditions!

YUMI To us, the first failure of this tradition!

Magto-toast sila at iinom.

JIGS Sige, ate Yumi. Let¹s make our stay here more interesting...

YUMI What¹s with the ate?

JIGS Fine...

Bubuksan ni Yumi ang chips. Uupo sila pareho sa sahig para
magkwentuhan.

JIGS Let¹s play twenty questions.

YUMI Sige! Ano yon?

JIGS Each of us will have ten questions each. Tatanungin kita,
tatanungin mo ako, mga gusto nating malaman sa isa¹t isa. Alternate
tayo. Pero the thing here is, you can¹t ask the question that I
already asked.

YUMI That¹s pretty interesting.

JIGS At bawal magsinungaling.

YUMI Fair enough. Pero whatever is said inside this room remains in
the room. Ok?

JIGS Of course. You wanna start?

YUMI No. I want to ask the last question. (Ngingiti at kikindatan si
Jigs)

JIGS Smart move. Game. First question: Ano ang greatest frustration
mo sa buhay?

YUMI Nge. Ang korni naman ng tanong mo. Walang
ka-challenge-challenge.
Ask me something na mag-iisip naman ako.

JIGS Simula pa lang e.

YUMI Sige. Ano nga ba...?

JIGS Akala ko ba walang ka-challenge-challenge?

YUMI Wag kang maingay, nag-iisip ako...I¹m a frustrated ballet
dancer.

JIGS Talaga?

YUMI I took lessons when I was six pero umayaw ako. Wala kasi akong
disiplina e. Mas gusto kong makipaglaro sa mga kalaro ko. Pero I
really enjoy watching ballet dancers. When I see them dance parati
kong naiisip na sana, ako rin. There! Ang dali naman ng tanong mo.
Walang thrill.

JIGS Appetizer lang. Yari ka sa¹kin mamaya.

YUMI We¹ll see. Ako naman: Did you ever have doubts about your
sexuality? I mean, kahit minsan ba, naisip mo na bakla ka?

JIGS Never.

YUMI Bilis ng sagot a.

JIGS Coz I never entertained the idea.

YUMI Homophobe ka ba?

JIGS Alternate tayo sa tanungan, di ba?

YUMI So, not once? Kahit konti? Kahit what if lang?

JIGS I¹m straight, okay?

YUMI I¹m not asking if you¹re gay or not. I¹m asking kung...

JIGS Never nga.

YUMI We all thought na you were gay. Well at least nung first few
months mo sa tropa before you introduced your girlfriend to us.

JIGS What?! You thought I was gay?!

YUMI E pa¹no kasi, masyado kang mabait. Ang pogi-pogi mo, pero parang
allergic ka sa mga babae. Over ang pagiging gentleman mo. Too good to
be true. You have a good body, it seems that you work out pero
iniisip namin front mo lang yun. Kadalasan kasi front ng mga bakla ang
pagiging maganda ng katawan nila at pagiging sporty...

Tatawa lang si Jigs.

YUMI So we thought it¹s either that or you were planning to become a
priest.

JIGS What?!

YUMI Well, you were always this goody-goody person. Pumupunta ka sa
chapel. Nangungumpisal, nagsisimba...

JIGS The way you said it, parang equivalent ang dalawa a.

YUMI Of course not. I didn¹t mean that!

JIGS I take my faith seriously. That doesn¹t make me gay!

YUMI So you did want to become a priest...

JIGS Hindi rin. Actually, I always wanted to raise a family...and be
a father.

Tahimik.

YUMI So you¹re not gay.

JIGS No.

YUMI You never...

JIGS Ilang beses ka ba ipinanganak? Kulit mo e. It¹s my turn.

YUMI Homophobe ka no?

JIGS Hindi kaya!

YUMI Whatever...

JIGS Ako na, daya mo naman e.

YUMI Okay, okay. Shoot me.

JIGS How do you see yourself five years from now?

YUMI You expect to win this game? Ang kokorni ng mga tanong mo e.

JIGS The object of this game is not to win.

YUMI E ano pa ba?

JIGS To get to know the other person.

YUMI Sure. Basta ako, I will win this game. Walang thrill ang isang
game kung walang nananalo.

JIGS Sagot.

YUMI May time limit ba OEto? (Tatawa) Wine pa nga.

JIGS Sabi nga nila: in vino veritas.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

YUMI Masarap ang wine, ha? Saan kaya nabili ito? (Iinom) To answer
your question, either maging entrepreneur ako, magsisimula ako ng sarili
kong botique or bar, o kaya, magiging artista ako sa pelikula.

JIGS Not bad.

YUMI Pero mukhang malabo yung stint ko sa movies. Tough ang
competition e. Saka mahina ang manager ko. Panay hosting at pictorials ang
nakukuhang raket para sa akin. Papalitan ko na nga e. Pag nakaipon
ako, baka magtayo na lang ako ng botique.

JIGS (Magbibiro) Ayaw mo mag-bold?

YUMI Yuck!

JIGS Lahat ng gustong mag-artista doon dumadaan.

YUMI May talent naman ako kahit papano a!

JIGS Lahat naman ng bold star may talent a! Sa dibdib! (Tatawa)

YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Bastos ka talaga! Akala ko
goody-goody ka...Hindi ko papatulan ang pagbobold kahit ano¹ng
mangyari no! Kahit ganito ako, may respeto pa rin naman ako sa sarili
ko.

JIGS Ganito? Ano¹ng ganito?

Di sasagutin ni Yumi ang tanong.

YUMI These producers think all the people want is sex, sex, sex! Kaya
puro basura ang mga pelikula e. Wine pa nga!

JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine) Bakit naman botique?

YUMI Hoy madaya ka na ha? Hindi pa ako lasing. Ako na¹ng magtatanong.
Ang korni mo namang magtanong. Bigatan naman natin nang konti...Inom
ka muna.

Iinom si Jigs. Magsasalin siya ng bago.

YUMI Who was your first crush in the barkada?

Tahimik.

YUMI Haha! Bingo ka no? Bagal mo naman sumagot.

Iinumin ang wine. Magsasalin ng bago.

JIGS Lalaki o babae?

Tatawa sila pareho.

YUMI Dapat may time limit ito e.

Tahimik.

JIGS Hirap naman ng tanong mo.

YUMI Iyon nga ang maganda e. Para may thrill. As if naman
ibo-broadcast ko sa barkada kung sino.

JIGS Wine pa?

YUMI Di mo pa sinasagot yung tanong ko, nagtatanong ka na!

Magsasalin ng wine si Jigs kay Yumi.

JIGS Yung crush ko kasi...siyempre, sino pa ba? E di yung
pinakamaganda sa barkada.

YUMI Nge. Subjective yon no! Para sa¹kin ang pinakagwapo si Joel. Sa
babae, si Kay. Para kay Ronald, si Meg...

JIGS Yung literally na may dating'walang tanung-tanong. Yung kahit
sino¹ng tanungin mo sa tropa, objectively, siya ang isasagot.

YUMI Jigs, twenty questions ang game natin. Hindi guessing game.
C¹mon man. Play your own game. Pa¹no na kung truth or dare to e di
pahirapan na. Dadalawa na nga lang tayo e.

JIGS Yung commercial model.

Matitigilan si Yumi.

YUMI Wine pa nga.

Magsasalin si Jigs. Mag-iisip si Yumi. Iinom. Biglang matatawa.

YUMI (Tumatawa pa rin) Talaga?

JIGS Sige, pagtawanan ba?

YUMI You can say it to my face, I won¹t bite. Bakit hirap na hirap
kang sabihin kung sino? Takot kang ma-reject? Parang tanong lang e...Wine
pa nga!

JIGS Okay, 1 point ka na...

YUMI (Ngiti) Gee...thanks. Flattered naman ako. At kailan naman
nangyari ito?

JIGS Sorry, my turn to ask. (Ngingiti) Who is your crush in the
barkada...NOW?

YUMI E ginaya mo lang yung tanong ko e.

JIGS Hinde no. May qualifier ako. Ang sabi ko, NOW. Ang tanong mo,
first crush ko.

YUMI Korni pa rin. Alam mo, kung basketball OEto, tambak ka na.

JIGS Just answer the question.

YUMI Siyempre wala. I told you, I don¹t have time for these stuff.
Kakabreak ko lang di ba?

JIGS Korni mo namang sumagot.

YUMI E korni yung tanong e. Pero kung talagang-talagang kailangan
kong sumagot...hmmm...teka...sino nga ba? Sino ba¹ng crush material sa
barkada? Wala akong maisip e. Ikaw na lang.

JIGS Yung seryoso naman.

YUMI Seryoso ako. Ayaw mo yata e. Sige, iba na lang...

JIGS E napipilitan ka lang e.

YUMI Uy! Pa¹no ba¹yan? MU na tayo? Crush mo ko, crush kita...yiheee
(Tatawa).

JIGS Dati pa OEyon no!

YUMI Ay? Di mo na ko crush? Bakit, na turn-off ka? Ano namang ginawa
ko? Tsk. Tsk.

JIGS Is that your question na?

YUMI Oy, hinde! Ito naman...di ba pwedeng mag-follow-up?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

YUMI Fine. Here¹s a little juicy question: Describe your first kiss.

JIGS That¹s not even a question.

YUMI Arte mo. O: How was your first kiss like?

Matatawa si Jigs.

JIGS Wet.

YUMI Yuck!

Magtatawanan sila.

JIGS Alam mo, aksidente yung first kiss ko. Close kasi kami nung isa
kong kaibigan. Pag naggu-goodbye ako sa kanya, parati ko siyang
kini-kiss sa noo. E one time, sa gym habang nagpapahinga, nakaupo
siya sa sahig. Tinatamad siyang tumayo. So bumaba ako nang konti para
halikan siya sa noo kasi pauwi na ako. E siya naman, para maabot ko,
medyo tumingala. E sakto, sa lips ko siya nahalikan. Pareho kaming
nagulat. Pero di pa kami naghiwalay agad. Weird nga ang feeling e.
Parang may glue. Ayaw na namin maghiwalay pareho...

Tawa pa rin si Yumi

YUMI Awww. Ang sweet naman. Parang sa pelikula. Si Krissy ba OEto?

JIGS Hindi. Hindi mo siya kilala.

YUMI So what happened? Nagkatuluyan kayo?

JIGS Nope.

YUMI Ha?

JIGS Ewan ko ba. Complicated kasi yung situation namin e. May
boyfriend siya noon. Ako naman, takot pa sa isang relationship. Pero at
least,
na-discover namin na pareho pala kaming may gusto sa isa¹t isa. Pero
hanggang doon na lang.

YUMI What happened after?

JIGS We talked about it. We both decided na it wont work. Tapos,
bigla na lang, hindi na kami nagkikita. And then, I met you guys, iba na
ang barkada ko.

YUMI Nakakatuwa naman.

JIGS Ikaw, pa¹no yung first kiss mo?

YUMI Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin ng game na ito di ba? Bakit ba lagi
mong bini-break ang rules? Di mo na pwedeng tanungin OEyan!

JIGS Tine-testing ko lang kung lasing ka na. (Iinom ng wine) Okay,
naka-warm-up na ako: What was the naughtiest thing you ever did?

YUMI OEYan ang mga tanong! Ano ba¹ng ibig mong sabihin ng naughty?

JIGS Bahala kang mag-define.

YUMI Hmmm...marami e...(matatawa) baka maeskandalo ka.

JIGS Kanina ayaw mo ng korni. Ngayong medyo exciting naman...

YUMI Eto na...I had two boyfriends at the same time.

JIGS (Nagulat) Hala.

YUMI I was with Joel and Zach at the same time.

JIGS Yikes. Alam ba ni Joel?

YUMI Kaya nga kami naghiwalay nun e. Nahuli ako (matatawa).

JIGS Ano namang pumasok sa kukote mo¹t ginawa mo OEyon, aber?

YUMI Nag-eexperiment lang ako. E sa type ko sila pareho e. Ano¹ng
magagawa ko? Saka para may thrill. Alam mo OEyon? Yung patago kang
nakikipag-date sa isa para di mahuli. Everyday pa akong nakakalibre,
kasi, alternate sila! (Tatawa) Akala n¹yo kayo lang mga lalaki ang
pwedeng gumawa no¹n?

JIGS How can you love two guys at the same time?

YUMI Who said something about love? Walang kinalaman ang love dun. I
was...having fun!

JIGS Nainlove ka na ba, ever?

YUMI Nakakailang tanong ka na? It¹s my turn.

JIGS Don¹t you want to answer the question anyway?

YUMI My turn!

JIGS Kulang ka pa sa wine. (Tatawa)

Ubos na ang unang wine bottle. Kukuha si Jigs ng isa pa sa ref.

JIGS Ang bilis nating uminom a.

YUMI Are you still a virgin?

JIGS Whoa! Where did that come from?

YUMI That¹s my fourth question.

JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine sa mga baso). Ano sa tingin mo?

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tititigan lang siya ni Yumi.

YUMI Don¹t tell me, wala pang nangyayari sa inyo ni Krissy hanggang
ngayon? Ilang taon na ba kayo?

JIGS Mag-tu-two years na sana next week.

YUMI So virgin ka pa? I don¹t believe it!

JIGS Mukha ba akong tarantado?

YUMI Mukha kang nagpapaiyak ng babae e.

JIGS Insulto ba OEyon?

YUMI Compliment OEyon, tanga.

JIGS Ah, okay. Thanks.

YUMI Pero, you mean, you never felt the urge to do it?

JIGS Alin? Sex?

YUMI Wow! Nasabi rin niya!

JIGS Of course I always feel it. Natural lang OEyon sa tao no? Nasa
iyo na lang OEyan kung ano¹ng gagawin mo sa urge na OEyon.

YUMI E natural naman pala e. Bakit mo pinipigilan? I mean, pag naiihi
ka, iihi ka. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka. Pareho lang OEyon, di ba?

JIGS Pag naiihi ka, iihi ka dahil kailangan mong umihi. At hindi ka
iihi kahit saan. Pupunta ka sa banyo. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka
dahil kailangan. At hindi mo kinakain ang lahat ng pagkain na ihain
sa iyo. Pag di ka gutom, di ka kakain. Pag di mo gusto yung pagkain, di
mo gagalawin. Ang aso, pag may nakitang pagkain diyan, walang
tanung-tanong. Lalamon OEyan.

YUMI And sex is the same?

JIGS Lahat ng bagay, nilalagay sa lugar. May context. At least, yun
ang nagpaiba sa atin sa aso.

YUMI Grabe ka namang magsalita. Para mo na ring sinabing lahat ng
nakikipagsex, aso ah!

JIGS Sinasabi ko lang, pag wala sa tamang konteksto, mali.

YUMI And what is that context?

JIGS Matanda na tayo. Ayokong maging preachy. Alam na natin OEyan.

Tahimik.

JIGS Kaso, kahit alam na natin, minsan di pa rin natin ginagawa.

Tahimik.

JIGS Masarap e. Sino ba¹ng ayaw nun?

Tahimik.

YUMI (Medyo nairita) So feeling mo santo ka at dapat kang
i-congratulate for being a virgin!

JIGS Sinasabi ko lang ang pinaniniwalaan ko. Ineexplain ko lang kung
bakit di ko ginagawa. May kanya-kanya tayong dahilan. Di ko pinipilit
kahit kanino ang mga paniniwala ko...No need to get so cross about
it, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS It¹s not about being a virgin or not. It¹s about putting things
into their proper places.

YUMI I¹m not arguing with you.

JIGS Me neither. I¹m just answering your questions.

Matagal na katahimikan.

Ngingiti si Jigs. Titignan niya si Yumi na medyo nairita sa nakaraang
train of conversation nila. Magsasalin siya ng wine para kay Yumi.

JIGS Nasobrahan ka na yata sa wine e. (Tatawa) You still wanna go on
with the game? Nine pa lang tayo, eleven more to go. (Ngingiti)

YUMI Shoot me.

JIGS Who was your first lay?

YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Ang bastos mo talaga! So inaassume
mo na hindi na ako virgin?

JIGS E sabi mo kasi, walang thrill ang game pag walang nananalo e. So
I guess I¹m winning. Saka wala naman akong inimply na ganun a! I¹m just
hitting two birds with one stone. Kasi kung virgin ka, e di simple
lang ang sagot: wala. Kung hindi naman, e di sino?

YUMI Ang daya mo.

JIGS Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng korning tanong.

YUMI You think I¹ll answer that after giving your sermon, Father
Jigs?

JIGS Ano ka ba? Inexplain ko lang yung personal reasons ko. Kung ano
man ang sa iyo, I¹ll respect them as well as I know you respect mine.
I¹m no saint. I¹m just trying to get to know you better. (Ngingiti)

YUMI How do you do that?

JIGS Alin?

YUMI I should have walked out on you kanina pa pero the way you say
things...parang bumabaliktad sa¹yo...makes you more...charming. Kung
ibang tao ka siguro, di na kita kakausapin.

JIGS You can¹t walk out. We¹re locked here for three days except for
meals.

YUMI So I¹m forced to like you para di masira ang vacation ko.
(Ngingiti)

JIGS You don¹t have to answer my question if you don¹t want.

YUMI I guess I¹ll be honest with you as you were honest with me...

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI Di mo siya kilala. His name was Robert. He was my first
boyfriend. It was Senior Prom Night. Alam mo na...typical senior prom
story.
Everyone wants to lose it on prom night. Everyone thinks na pag prom
night, it was something special. We went out sa hall nang maaga. We
made out sa kotse niya. One thing led to the other. Tapos, yun...yun
na. We went back just in time for the awarding of the prom queen.
Guess what, I won pa. (Mahinang tawa)

JIGS What was it like?

YUMI Now that I look back, it isn¹t as special as I thought it was.
Pero it was different then. Back then, we were just led by our
passions. Alam mo yon? Andun ka na. Hormones raging wild. Passions
and Ideals are confused. Akala mo love, yun pala, curious ka lang pala.
Akala mo yun na yon. Akala mo you are in-love at lahat ng gawin mo
tama. Lahat ng gawin mo perfect. Everything was magical...well,
almost.

JIGS Almost...?

YUMI Sa next question mo na OEyan. Ako na.

JIGS (Pabiro) Wine pa? Kulang ka pa yata e.

YUMI Nilalasing mo ko no? May balak ka sa¹kin no? (Tatawa)

JIGS Is that your question? Sasagutin ko na. (Tatawa)

YUMI Engot. Hindi OEyon. Here¹s something na curious lang ako. Kasi
I¹ve been hearing things...saka you¹ve hinted on it na rin kanina...Are
you still with Krissy?

JIGS Hindi na.

YUMI Since when?

JIGS Two, maybe three weeks ago?

YUMI Sino¹ng nakipag-break?

JIGS Pareho kami.

YUMI Why?

JIGS Maraming dahilan, actually. Naisip na lang namin na it won¹t
work. Isa na do¹n, magkaiba kami ng gustong mangyari sa buhay. Magkaiba
kami ng mga pinaniniwalaan.

YUMI Like what?

JIGS Marami.

YUMI At ngayon mo lang nalaman iyon after two years with her?

JIGS People change, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS Right before graduation, she asked me to move in with her.

YUMI Talaga?

JIGS Sabi niya, doon na naman din daw papunta ang relasyon namin.
Might as well practice na raw for the real thing. Tutal, she¹s working na
naman, ako naman bagong graduate, we should try out na raw living
together if it¹ll work for us.

YUMI Natakot ka sa arrangement?

JIGS Hindi naman sa natakot. If you love someone, ano pa¹ng
ikakatakot mo, di ba?

YUMI E bakit umayaw ka?

JIGS It¹s just that, it¹s not my thing.

YUMI Sabi na nga ba e, bakla ka no? Sinasayang mo ang opportunities!
(Matatawa)

JIGS Hindi ako oportunista. At lalong hindi ako bakla.

YUMI Fine.

JIGS Naisip ko lang na hindi pa pala ako handa sa mga ganitong bagay.
Wala pa sa isip ko ang gano¹n. Na-shock siguro ako sa reality na iyon
na nga ang next step sa relationship namin. I mean, two years of
being together and knowing each other, we¹re practically ready to get
married, if you know what I mean. Pero I realized, I¹m not ready for
any of these. Narealize ko how immature I am. Na iba yung ideals ko
two years ago sa ideals ko ngayon. I need to mature some more to get
into this thing'I mean, getting married. Diyos ko, ilang taon lang ba
ako...

YUMI Maturity has nothing to do with age.

JIGS But it has a lot to do with time.

Tahimik.

JIGS So I thought, bakit kailangan ng practice mode? Ibig sabihin,
pag sumablay kami, split na kami? Live like a couple minus the
commitment? Pa¹no pag nawala na yung magic? Goodbye na?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

JIGS Kung kasal na, kasal na. Wala nang practice. I think that¹s the
real cowardice. Yung i-try muna natin kung it will work kasi takot
kayo na baka hindi maging successful ang outcome. Saan na napunta ang
excitement ng buhay? Kaya nga kayo in-love, para sabay kayong humarap
sa totoong buhay, sa hirap at ginahawa, di ba? (Matatawa) Hindi yung
pagpapraktisan muna ninyo para siguradong ginhawa lang.

Magkikibit-balikat lang si Jigs.

YUMI Are you always like that?

JIGS Like what?

YUMI So cerebral in everything. Kahit pagdating sa relationships.

JIGS Life is too precious para lang daanin sa trial and error.

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tahimik.

YUMI So, No hard feelings?

JIGS Friends pa rin kami. She still calls me up nga sa bahay e.

YUMI That¹s nice.

JIGS Kayo, bakit kayo nagbreak ni Carlo?

YUMI That¹s your sixth na ha?

JIGS Sure.

YUMI Alam mo, ironic para sa akin yung break-up namin ni Carlo. And
the funny thing was, it was about...sex. Uy, sa atin lang ito ha?

JIGS Of course.

YUMI Kasi nga, I was looking for that magic nga di ba? I wanted to be
in a relationship na special naman. So of all the boyfriends I had,
sa kanya lang ako walang sexual relationship. As in nag-aabstain talaga
ako. Kasi parang naisip ko, para magkaroon naman ng meaning yung
³making love² di ba? Parang, dapat di mo parating ginagawa, at
ginagawa mo lang when you are sincere with yourself and with your
partner. So I was investing muna emotionally. And I was actually
starting to care about him. Yung, hindi ko na iniisip yung sarili ko.
Yung siya lang ang inaalala ko. Akala ko perfect na...

JIGS Ano¹ng nangyari?

YUMI Patunayan ko raw na mahal ko siya. Magbigay daw ako ng proof.
Pagbigyan ko raw siya. Sabi ko sa kanya, hindi pa ba sapat na proof
OEyon? Na I¹m saving myself for that right moment, that special
moment between us? Alam mo¹ng ginawa? Nilayasan ako!

JIGS You deserve someone better.

YUMI Talaga!

YUMI Isipin mo, kung kelan naman I grew tired of meaningless sex,
when I¹m looking for the real thing, saka naman mawawala. Ang ironic ng
buhay no?

JIGS That¹s the way we must learn.

YUMI Alam mo, kung tutuusin, never ko pang na-experience yung tunay
na mag make-love. And I had to go all through those relationships para
lang ma-realize yun. At least, ngayon, alam ko na ang hinahanap ko.

Iinom ng wine.

YUMI Ikaw ba, importante sa¹yo na virgin ang mapapangasawa mo? How do
you see virginity ba?

JIGS Alam mo, di ko pa napag-isipan OEyan. Pero now that you¹ve
mentioned it...It doesn¹t matter kung virgin ang mapangasawa ko o
hindi. Of course I value virginity a lot. I treat it as the only real
gift I could give to my wife to be. Imaginin mo na lang di ba, kung
wife ko ang una ko. It¹s like the perfect wedding gift I could give
to her. Pero kung siya hindi na virgin, I wouldn¹t care. As long as
mahal ko siya. Kasi I don¹t expect her to give me the same gift. I don¹t do
something because I expect people to do the same to me. Ibigay niya
sa akin ang sarili niya nang buong-buo, sapat na sa akin OEyon. Masaya
na ako sa ganoon.

YUMI (Mapapangiti si Yumi.) You know, that¹s the nicest thing I ever
heard from a guy. That¹s why I always enjoy talking to you. You
always say the nicest things.

JIGS Wow. Salamat. E ikaw, is making love to you equal to love?

YUMI I always took sex and love as opposite ideas. I mean, after the
first time na...you know...sa Senior prom. Kasi afterwards, we broke
up na ni Robert. Tapos naisip ko, yun na ba yung love? Baka hindi
love yung naramdaman ko. Baka napagkamalan ko lang siyang love. I was just
after the pleasure of intimacy. And then I felt empty. So empty.
That¹s why I wanted to change. I wanted to believe in ³making love.²
And I¹m still looking for it. Yung magic. Yung feeling mo, tao ka
pala. I never felt that kahit isang beses. Men have penetrated my
body but never my soul. And I wanted that. I wanted someone to touch my
soul. To ³make love² to my soul through my body. Pero siguro, naging
numb na¹ko sa dami ng relasyong pinagdaanan ko. Hindi ko alam kung
mararanasan ko pa iyon. That¹s why I envy you.

Tahimik.

YUMI Sa tingin mo may pag-asa pa ako?

JIGS You still have your soul...(Ngingiti)

Tahimik.

YUMI With whom would you want to experience it?

JIGS Of course, sa asawa ko.

YUMI I mean, someone in particular. Take it as my seventh question.
So give a name.

JIGS A name? Hindi ko alam. Basta kung sino ang magiging asawa ko.

Tahimik. Magkikibit-balikat si Yumi. Iinom ng wine.

JIGS Well, I always thought na it was Krissy. And then, it was just
gone. Of course I loved her. And I still do. Pero the magic was just
gone after we both found out na magkaiba kami ng mga prinsipyo sa
buhay.

Tahimik.

JIGS My turn?

YUMI Shoot me.

JIGS Tell me something...a secret. Yung wala kahit isang nakakaalam.

Matagal na katahimikan.

JIGS You trust me naman di ba?

YUMI Well, you¹ve earned it, alright.

JIGS Saka wala akong tinatago sa¹yo. Sinagot ko lahat ng tanong mo as
honestly as I could. (Ngingiti)

YUMI I uhm...

JIGS Yes...?

YUMI I need more wine.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

JIGS Take your time. We have less than fifty hours to go.

Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI I¹ll tell you something no one in the world knows except one
other person. And that person probably forgot all about me already.

JIGS (Pabiro) What? You had sex with a stranger?

YUMI Ano ka ba?

JIGS Biro lang. Seryoso na.

YUMI Promise ha? Hindi ito lalabas.

JIGS Promise.

YUMI If this goes out, I will hunt you kahit sa libingan mo.
Huhukayin kita at papatayin kita ulit.

JIGS Mamatay man ako ngayon.

YUMI Okay...(Pause) I...I was with Joel then... (Magiging mas seryoso
ang tono niya) ...and Zach. I wasn¹t really with Zach, I was just
going out with him pag wala si Joel, alam mo na...making out and
stuff...Well, anyway, I was kinda serious din naman with Joel that
time. Joel and I were...you know...doing it. And...

JIGS And...?

YUMI Uhm...I...uhm...I got pregnant.

JIGS What?

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI I uhm...shit. Hindi ko naman talaga ginusto e. Uhm...Two months
akong delayed...then I took that test. I found out na buntis nga
ako...and Joel found out about Zach (maluha-luha na) and I didn¹t
know what to say, you know? Maniniwala ba naman sa akin si Joel na naaliw
lang ako kay Zach? Na I didn¹t really love him? Na wala lang iyon?
And so he broke up with me and...I..uhm...I was afraid and uhm...
(Magsisimula siyang magbreak-down)

JIGS It¹s okay...

YUMI I uhm...hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Joel left me. I wanted
to tell him about the baby to make him come back but I don¹t think he¹d
believe me after the thing with Zach...and...my parents are gonna
kill me if...shit. (iiyak)

JIGS (lalapit kay Yumi para i-console ito) Ssshhh...you don¹t have to
tell me this if it upsets you...

YUMI And so I went to a clinic...(hahagulgol) I didn¹t mean to, Jigs.
I wasn¹t myself then. And I felt so afraid. So alone...

JIGS Tahan na. Ssshhh...

Iiyak lang si Yumi kay Jigs. Yayakapin ni Jigs si Yumi.

JIGS Alam ba OEto ni Joel?

YUMI How can I tell him? The only other person na nakakaalam ay yung
duktor sa clinic. God...(iiyak) Oh God...

JIGS It¹s alright...

Hihimasin ni Jigs ang likod ni Yumi. Patatahanin niya ito. Matagal
silang nakaganito lang.

Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI Can you get me my yosi?

Tatayo si Jigs. Pupunta sa may side table sa tabi ng kama. Kukunin
ang Yosi ni Yumi. Magsisindi siya ng isa at iaabot kay Yumi.

YUMI Thanks...

Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI If we were...if we were the last two people on earth, would you
consider doing it with me?

JIGS Doing what?

YUMI Alam mo na...

JIGS Alin? (Teasing ngingiti)

YUMI Gago mo. (Ngingiti)

JIGS Ngumiti rin.

YUMI So? Would you?

JIGS Alin nga? Di mo masabi no? Bakit di mo masabi? (Pagtatawanan si
Yumi) Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!

YUMI Shut up nga!

JIGS That¹s your eight na, ha?

YUMI I lost count. Answer it.

JIGS Why not?

Hihithit ng yosi si Yumi. Tahimik. Sasandal si Yumi sa balikat ni
Jigs.

JIGS If you could be something else, what would you be?

YUMI I dunno...maybe a violin...yeah. Violin siguro.

JIGS Bakit?

YUMI I always saw the relationship of a violin and its player as very
intimate. Pag tumutugtog ang violinist, ang nakikita ko at naririnig
ko, he strokes the soul of the instrument and the instrument
penetrates the soul of the player. Para silang nagmi-make love. Di
ba? Very sexy, very intimate, very sublime. Di ba? Pareho silang sincere
sa isa¹t isa. Dahil kung hindi sila sincere, walang music na mabubuo.
The violin surrenders her body to her player, her whole body and her
whole soul, in full trust and sincerity. Di ba, compared to the sound
of the other instruments, ang tunog ng violin parang isang naked
woman? A naked woman in surrender? I want to be a violin. I want to
be stroked in the soul. I want to make sincere music. I want to
experience the sound of love.

Tahimik.

JIGS Lalim nun ah. (Ngingiti)

YUMI Pa¹no mo malalamang in-love ka na?

JIGS Paano? I don¹t think there¹s a formula to that. Basta malalaman
mo na lang. I mean, ilang beses lang ba nangyari sa akin OEyon? I¹d like
to believe na yun na nga OEyon...yung kay Krissy...

YUMI Kwento mo nga...paano mo narealize dati na mahal mo nga si
Krissy?

JIGS Alam mo nakakatawa...korni actually. Babalik na naman ako sa
pagiging korni nito e. Di ba ayaw mo sa korni.

YUMI Sige na. Hindi na kita aasarin.

JIGS I heard bells.

YUMI Ano?

JIGS Seryoso. Bigla na lang, habang nag-uusap kami, may narinig na
lang akong bells, tapos music. Ewan ko kung iniimagine ko lang OEyon pero
yun ang nangyari. Nakakatawa nga e. Parang kanta ng Beatles.

YUMI Seryoso ka ba?

JIGS O baka naman nagkataon noong oras na yon, may nagkakantahan sa
kung saan sa school. Basta may narinig akong bells. Tapos napangiti
ako. Pagtingin ko sa mata niya, iba na ang nakikita ko. Hindi ko na
siya nakita as kabarkada lang. Biglang parang may magic. Hindi ko
ma-explain. Baduy pero ganun. Tapos I just seized the moment. Umamin
ako. A week later, kami na.

YUMI Korni nga. (Matatawa)

JIGS Korni talagang pakinggan. Pero pag nandun ka na. Pag naranasan
mo na, feeling mo, hindi na korni.

Ngingiti si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI Alam mo, may times na parang tunog violin ang boses mo. O lasing
lang ako?

Tahimik.

JIGS I¹m into my last question.

Iaangat ni Yumi ang ulo niya.

YUMI Shoot me. Better make it good.

JIGS If you were again to be the next victim of this tradition, if
you were to be locked up in this room again...who would you want the next
guy to be?

YUMI (Mag-iisip) I want someone whom I could talk to... Yung
makukwentuhan ko ng mga sikreto ko. Yung may sense makipag-usap. Yung
may laman. The violin player who¹d stroke my strings...not even. Yung
mapapatunog niya ang strings ko without even touching them. (Tahimik)
Lumuluwag na ang dila ko...kung anu-ano na ang nasasabi ko.
(Ngingiti)

Tititigan lang ni Jigs si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI Siyempre yung masarap kausap.

Tahimik. Hindi makatingin si Yumi.

YUMI Yung kahit habambuhay wala kaming gawin kundi mag-usap... I
think it¹s better than making love.

Mapapatingin si Yumi kay Jigs.

YUMI Gosh I want to kiss you so badly.

Matitigilan siya.

YUMI I can¹t believe I just said that.

Tahimik. Titignan niya ulit si Jigs.

YUMI Don¹t you want to kiss me?

Pause. Titignan siya ni Jigs sa mata.

JIGS Is that your last question? (Ngingiti si Jigs)

YUMI Yes.

DILIM.

Bitin!!! Nasa'n na ang climax?!?

0 revealed their disguise

posted by letter shredder at 6:35 PM

Raindrops

they all came from earth
they fell from the same sky
but each tells a different story

one shifts a graveyard

another bends hell

the other has a mind of a twisted rose

one more silently weeps for a lost love

while all the raindrops live their lives
one watches them all

they all narrate their lives to her
she listens to their outbursts
and wishes she was as brave as the others

she waits for another shower
when all the raindrops return
for she--there to comfort them

they all rise
they all fall
and they know...

ito yung tula sa Bukana... i was not able to keep a copy and i didnt want to post it until it is released. tama na yung mga tulang may blind item...hahaha!!!

0 revealed their disguise

THE ENEMY

mood at the moment

previous outbursts

adopt a panda

on the other side

good for carbon dating

creative commons

about this site

site credits

What's your favorite disguise? [/meta]

posted by letter shredder @ 11:59 a.m. on 1/20/2006

"Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love..."
-- Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

Saturday, March 27, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 4:27 PM

posted by letter shredder at 3:53 PM

posted by letter shredder at 3:49 PM

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 3:01 PM

posted by letter shredder at 2:36 PM

Friday, March 19, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 11:59 AM

posted by letter shredder at 11:54 AM

Thursday, March 18, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 3:08 AM

posted by letter shredder at 2:30 AM

posted by letter shredder at 2:24 AM

posted by letter shredder at 2:23 AM

Monday, March 15, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 6:35 PM

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 8:45 PM

posted by letter shredder at 8:13 PM

posted by letter shredder at 7:20 PM

posted by letter shredder at 7:14 PM

posted by letter shredder at 6:35 PM

THE ENEMY

mood at the moment

previous outbursts

adopt a panda

on the other side

good for carbon dating

creative commons

about this site

site credits

What's your favorite disguise? [/meta]

posted by letter shredder @ 11:59 a.m. on 1/20/2006

"Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love..." -- Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

Saturday, March 27, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 4:27 PM

posted by letter shredder at 3:53 PM

posted by letter shredder at 3:49 PM

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 3:01 PM

posted by letter shredder at 2:36 PM

Friday, March 19, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 11:59 AM

posted by letter shredder at 11:54 AM

Thursday, March 18, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 3:08 AM

posted by letter shredder at 2:30 AM

posted by letter shredder at 2:24 AM

posted by letter shredder at 2:23 AM

Monday, March 15, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 6:35 PM

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

posted by letter shredder at 8:45 PM

posted by letter shredder at 8:13 PM

posted by letter shredder at 7:20 PM

posted by letter shredder at 7:14 PM

posted by letter shredder at 6:35 PM

"Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love..."
-- Lester Bangs, Almost Famous