What's your favorite disguise? [/meta]

posted by letter shredder @ 11:59 a.m. on 1/20/2006

"Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love..."
                                          -- Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Naughty BUT Nice

posted by letter shredder at 9:30 AM

Dear Santa,

When I found out that my friend Lawrence wrote you a letter, I felt coerced to do one too. Unlike him, I'm not too worried that you tried the South Beach Diet because I'm positive that you are in the North Pole.

You've given me lots of books for Christmas when I was still a kid. Since they don't fit in the socks, you've placed them near the Christmas tree. I also have to say sorry because I always sneek and I can't wait for Christmas to come that I slightly open the gifts and place them the way my parents last saw them. I don't know if my parents report to you what I do because on one instance, I tore the gift wrapper. You have such strong adhesives there in the North Pole, probably the kind that could stand the moist relative to the temperature.

Now, before I start my dork talk, I have always wondered why I receive my gifts even on the 16th and wait till Christmas eve. I just thought you were getting old and that the Philippines was quite far that you ask FedEx to take part in your profession. I knew right from the start that you have inspired mailmen, only that they do not have slays. They have snails. That's why we call their items "snail mails," right?

Santa, I know I've been naughty. But please understand, it's the ONLY way that I'd be nice. When my officemate laughed at my pants the other day, I just told him to get a life instead of letting him trip over the floor before we enter the elevator. When one of my groupmates did not pass my final project, I purposely ignored her existence and held a "cold war." I thought that was better than hitting her with the fire extinguisher.

Santa, I can voluntarily update you on these naughty-to-be-nice things I've done if your server does not work. You can even read my blog once you get to access it.

I would also want to apologize for being stupid. I prepared a wishlist and posted it on the net without even considering if your server would not be jammed due to Christmas rush. I'm not even sure if your elves studied IT and if you already have Wi-Fi. I'll be more considerate from now on.

I don't have a big sock where you can put the Ferrari so I would consider a check. Just make sure that it's not post-dated. Though I think that would take time because your bank account, I assume, is also somewhere in the North Pole. So I encourage you to transact online.

I would also want to have change in the government system, to have more gracious leaders. But I know you are too busy to replace our president. In case you consider this and you want to run for the next elections, I would volunteer to be your PR manager. I'm sure we have to be ready when people accuse you of bribing their kids.

If there would be any thing that you would want to tell me, you can post a comment here or email me.

Naughty but nice,

My friend is celebrating her birthday, I'd ask her to invite you too. You'd enjoy the free booze. We now have San Mig Light so you don't have to worry about having beer belly. In case she organizes a costume party, please don't pretend to be Mrs. Santa.

By the way, send her my regards.

0 revealed their disguise