What's your favorite disguise? [/meta]
posted by letter shredder @ 11:59 a.m. on 1/20/2006
"Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love..."
-- Lester Bangs, Almost Famous
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
And So Icebox Melts Once More...
R has been my constant companion during lunch breaks. Before, I was very interested to talk to him especially when he opens up about his life.
Later, I noticed that I cannot stand talking to him. The first time I got upset with him was when he made a deal with us where A and me won. But he never fulfilled his promise. I confronted him and he said he would... in APRIL NEXT YEAR. So it is April.
Then, I never really realized why I was so upset with him. I just thought that I was tired of hearing him whine and expect me to listen or talk about it. As many people say, I've been a good listener. But with R, I got so sick coz we have to discuss all the "significant" things that happened/are happening in his life which justify what he is right now.
I'd talk to him and tell him that he could make a way to talk to people he was having issues with or at least stop whining and do something about it. I mean, how can he expect things to fall into place when all he does is rant about them. That's insanity (doing the same things and expecting different results)!
There was a time that we paired up and went against this other officemate. Later, I talked to R and told him that I want to talk to officemate because I don't feel comfortable with the "cold war" among us. R said it's okay with him and that he still won't. He knows I'm attending the LFIA and from that, I got to share with him, I realized that I should give up "being right" coz I'm sacrificing the possibility of having a good working relationship with someone.
So I did talk to this officemate. I told R that I already did. And he told me, "Yes, because of the forum." In a split of a second, I was upset again. Then he went to my desk and said he's sorry. So I also said I'm sorry because it was me who put meaning to what he said. And, indeed, it was because of the forum, coz I'm learing a lot from it.
Later, when he talks about this officemate, I don't comment anymore. I just listen. I've completed with officemate already. But in my silence, he would again say, "Oh, I remember you're attending a forum." I invited him to attend the Landmark Forum, to find it within himself that he is also responsible for what he is in right now and that he could let go of his hang-ups. So I told him it costs P**,***. And then he answers, "What? You are paying P**,*** just to be kind to that animal?" I told him that I did it not for anyone else. I did it for myself.
In the succeeding days, he appears to be upset with him coz I've talked to officemate. I asked him if he is. He said no. So I got that he isn't upset with me because of that.
Now, I can't stand him whining and blaming people for the "miserable" life he has. When he makes fun of everyone (that's what he is good at), I get more upset. And I've warned him not to pay attention to every person's mistakes. He says that's how he relieves his stress. Okay. At other people's expense!
Why can't he just pay attention to what he does for himself and stop laughing at the flaws of other people?
Our other friends have talked to him about his attitude but he would often listen and make a joke about it. When he does that, we just resign from talking and bring up the topic when we are no longer upset with him.
And lately, he's been laughing when I wear or when I'm not in my office clothes. He says he's just not used to me wearing skirt and that he appreciates it. But I can catch him giving comments when I'm not talking to him. One time, I wore my faded pants and he did it again. He would look at my pants and then laugh. He said he appreciates it. Okay. He said so. Later, our other friends told him that they don't find him funny. Then the truth came out of his own mouth. He thinks I look like someone who would paint walls. So, my sweet revenge was to make him shut his mouth. And our other friends said that R is doing that coz he can't find a way to answer me back when I catch him in his own flaws. When I tell him that things would be better if he's acting on them.
He's been complaining to me how difficult he finds his tasks are. My answer, "If you find this job for you, work hard. If you don't, then quit. Soon."
And this lunch time, he left me. At least I did not have to make an excuse why I don't want to eat lunch with him anymore. When I saw him with officemate (he's been joining us now), he said that he thought officemate has asked me. When I checked my phone, I read a message from him saying he'd go ahead coz he's hungry. Why does he have to lie and find another person to blame??? I still sat with them. I don't want another issue about me not sitting with them just because they left me. Then, when he noticed I was in skirt, he did it again. Looked and laughed! Then, I told him, "If you look and laugh at me again, I'll smash the food tray on your face." He though I was kidding. And he explains that he appreciates it and he isn't used to it again. Then I said, "You don't appear to be appreciative." J was with me and she warned him to stop. Actually, if not for the other people with us, I have already set off.
I am so pissed off with him I don't want to think of any way to talk to him yet. I am no longer eager to listen to a whining machine and comfort someone WHO IS SEVEN YEARS OLDER THAN! He cannot even honor his words. Liar.