What's your favorite disguise? [/meta]
posted by letter shredder @ 11:59 a.m. on 1/20/2006
"Great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex and sex disguised as love..."
-- Lester Bangs, Almost Famous
Monday, September 12, 2005
I Got It!
First day ko sa work mag-try ng software (at internet access). Kaso, hindi accessible yung Yahoo. Tagal ko nang hindi nakakapag-post sa blog... kasi naman... TAMAD! TAMAD!
Hemingways, dami ko nang hindi nakukwento sa sangkamadlaan. Tagal ko na ring hind nakakakuwentuhan ang mga bakla.
So start muna ako sa pinakamasarap ikuwento.
I attended the Landmark Forum (which has nothing to do with Landmark Malls, no training for sales ladies) on August 26-28 and 30. I met a lot of friends and it wasn't easy for me to approach everyone. On the first day, I got to talk to Ferdie, Peter (who is also from UP), Howie Severino, and Harvey. I had the chance to eat lunch with the first three.
In the evening, I was able to eat dinner with Ferdie. We were instant companions then but I make it sure that I'd be sitting with different people at the start of every session. That day, I met Patrick, the Purefoods TJ Hotdogs trainer.
On the second day, even during the morning, I started crying. A man, Joey, shared what he did regarding our assignment the previous night and he started talking about his two daughters whom he did not have a good relationship with. Instantly, I found myself in the shoes of the two daughters. I realized I've been trapped in my own story where I was the victim of broken promises. If one is close to me, he or she would realize how i cringe whenever someone speaks of promises and I instantly ask him or her not to promise me anything coz I tend to hold on to promises. I shared in the afternoon, while crying, of course.
If there's any consolation, Patrick invited me to watch PBA in October. I was a fan of Purefoods since I was six years old. He said he'd be sending me tickets soon.
I ate lunch Kuya Lito, Nona and Betty. People in the forum are relatively older than me, but I try to hang-out with them during breaks. Before the dinner break, a guy whom I thought was Thai, shared his story and I was looking at him the whole time I was at the forum. I was sitting beside him during the first session on the first day. However, I felt that he had a wall surrounding him so I was not even able to start any conversation with him. After hearing his story, I realized that it was good I did not start any conversation with him yet. He had issues for himself which I consider completely complicated.
On the third day, "I had to find a way to talk to this guy," I thought to myself. And during the break in the morning, I talked to him. I told him I sat beside him on the first day and he said he did not recognize me because I was wearing a different jacket. I told him I was not sure how to initiate a conversation with him and he apologized. Later, he told me it was one of his ways. He does not really initiate conversations because he was more comfortable being talked to first so he could defend himself or know where he must "attack." Well, his background is enough to explain and even if I want to share ith with people, a level of confidentiality must be considered.
Third day was really great, many people began to share and Ki, the Korean guy, started the hot seat. I got really worried about him sharing. It wasn't easy for anyone who had the same experience like his. In the evening, before everyone bade goodbye, I was able to exchange numbers with him. I thought I liked him.
Monday, being not "in one" with my cellphone, I missed his call. Since then, I'd always place my phone on my office table not to miss any message from him. I was able to text him though.
Tuesday, people in the forum would meet again. In the morning, even at work, I answered his call. He was asking for some help, coz he is new in the Philippines. I learned that he lost his money worth P27,000. Well, he has a weird sense of "pocket money." Like money that you'd lose in your pocket. In the afternoon, since he was staying at the hotel where the forum is being held, I got to talk to him even before the last session started. I got to understand him more.
Friday that week, I was able to hang-out with some people at Greenbelt. He was there, too. However, I also find a way not to be too close. I realized I don't know where to position myself anymore. I somehow felt uncomfortable, coz the people I am with are at their early 30's. I was with a lawyer (Sheila), the editor of Working Mom (Gina), Ki, Wella, Sheila Q., Lou and another (I forgot her name *slaps forehead*). We met at Hue in Greenbelt 3 then went to Gweilos at Palanca St. There was a live band but it played music during the early 90's. I liked it though, the Contagion genre being played. And the band played Alanis's "You Oughta Know." So, my night was complete.
Something happended that night. Tsk!
Gina was coaching me on how to become a successful freelance writer when he turned to Ki. Later, I just found him asking for the bill and giving his share. I got to talk to the girls, and not with Ki. I wanted to talk to him but I was too afraid that whatever I would say would make the situation worse.