Thursday, September 15, 2005

posted by letter shredder at 8:24 AM

Hands Clean
Alanis Morissette

--rainy morning, just wanna listen to this song. *better idea* or rather pester my officemates by singing it myself--

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me
You're kind of my prot¨¦g¨¦ and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could get messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish I could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body

Ooh this could be messy and
Ooh I don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

Monday, September 12, 2005

posted by letter shredder at 1:06 PM

I Got It!

Hahaha!

First day ko sa work mag-try ng software (at internet access). Kaso, hindi accessible yung Yahoo. Tagal ko nang hindi nakakapag-post sa blog... kasi naman... TAMAD! TAMAD!

Hemingways, dami ko nang hindi nakukwento sa sangkamadlaan. Tagal ko na ring hind nakakakuwentuhan ang mga bakla.

So start muna ako sa pinakamasarap ikuwento.

I attended the Landmark Forum (which has nothing to do with Landmark Malls, no training for sales ladies) on August 26-28 and 30. I met a lot of friends and it wasn't easy for me to approach everyone. On the first day, I got to talk to Ferdie, Peter (who is also from UP), Howie Severino, and Harvey. I had the chance to eat lunch with the first three.

In the evening, I was able to eat dinner with Ferdie. We were instant companions then but I make it sure that I'd be sitting with different people at the start of every session. That day, I met Patrick, the Purefoods TJ Hotdogs trainer.

On the second day, even during the morning, I started crying. A man, Joey, shared what he did regarding our assignment the previous night and he started talking about his two daughters whom he did not have a good relationship with. Instantly, I found myself in the shoes of the two daughters. I realized I've been trapped in my own story where I was the victim of broken promises. If one is close to me, he or she would realize how i cringe whenever someone speaks of promises and I instantly ask him or her not to promise me anything coz I tend to hold on to promises. I shared in the afternoon, while crying, of course.

If there's any consolation, Patrick invited me to watch PBA in October. I was a fan of Purefoods since I was six years old. He said he'd be sending me tickets soon.

I ate lunch Kuya Lito, Nona and Betty. People in the forum are relatively older than me, but I try to hang-out with them during breaks. Before the dinner break, a guy whom I thought was Thai, shared his story and I was looking at him the whole time I was at the forum. I was sitting beside him during the first session on the first day. However, I felt that he had a wall surrounding him so I was not even able to start any conversation with him. After hearing his story, I realized that it was good I did not start any conversation with him yet. He had issues for himself which I consider completely complicated.

On the third day, "I had to find a way to talk to this guy," I thought to myself. And during the break in the morning, I talked to him. I told him I sat beside him on the first day and he said he did not recognize me because I was wearing a different jacket. I told him I was not sure how to initiate a conversation with him and he apologized. Later, he told me it was one of his ways. He does not really initiate conversations because he was more comfortable being talked to first so he could defend himself or know where he must "attack." Well, his background is enough to explain and even if I want to share ith with people, a level of confidentiality must be considered.

Third day was really great, many people began to share and Ki, the Korean guy, started the hot seat. I got really worried about him sharing. It wasn't easy for anyone who had the same experience like his. In the evening, before everyone bade goodbye, I was able to exchange numbers with him. I thought I liked him.

Monday, being not "in one" with my cellphone, I missed his call. Since then, I'd always place my phone on my office table not to miss any message from him. I was able to text him though.

Tuesday, people in the forum would meet again. In the morning, even at work, I answered his call. He was asking for some help, coz he is new in the Philippines. I learned that he lost his money worth P27,000. Well, he has a weird sense of "pocket money." Like money that you'd lose in your pocket. In the afternoon, since he was staying at the hotel where the forum is being held, I got to talk to him even before the last session started. I got to understand him more.

Friday that week, I was able to hang-out with some people at Greenbelt. He was there, too. However, I also find a way not to be too close. I realized I don't know where to position myself anymore. I somehow felt uncomfortable, coz the people I am with are at their early 30's. I was with a lawyer (Sheila), the editor of Working Mom (Gina), Ki, Wella, Sheila Q., Lou and another (I forgot her name *slaps forehead*). We met at Hue in Greenbelt 3 then went to Gweilos at Palanca St. There was a live band but it played music during the early 90's. I liked it though, the Contagion genre being played. And the band played Alanis's "You Oughta Know." So, my night was complete.

Something happended that night. Tsk!

Gina was coaching me on how to become a successful freelance writer when he turned to Ki. Later, I just found him asking for the bill and giving his share. I got to talk to the girls, and not with Ki. I wanted to talk to him but I was too afraid that whatever I would say would make the situation worse.